You’ve probably heard about mundane dating, a new term taking the love domain by storm. Does it mean your relationship has lost its spark?
Getting to know a potential love interest can be nerve-racking yet exciting. From swiping right on dating apps to arranging the first date, the anticipation builds. When you finally lay eyes on each other, it’s as if Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens automatically start belting in the background. “This could be the start of something new…”
They say the first few months feel like a honeymoon phase. It’s all heart eyes, lovey-dovey text messages, and grandiose date plans. Wanna take a ride on the reverse bungy at Clarke Quay? Sure! How does a fancy dinner at a Marina Bay restaurant sound? Aww, sweetheart, you didn’t really have to – but yes, please! You’re all about impressing your new person, which shows through your efforts. During the first few months of my current relationship, my partner and I tried new eating places and explored all around Singapore. We even dared to visit a couple of haunted spots! Nowadays, we’ve mellowed considerably.
This begs the question: what happens when you’ve settled into the relationship rhythm down the line and dating becomes mundane?
There’s beauty in the mundane
So, what is mundane dating? According to Lucille McCart, Bumble’s Asia-Pacific communications director, the term refers to stripping things back to basics and getting to know someone authentically. She says Gen Z and millennials in Singapore would rather go for simple, everyday dates over extravagant ones to find genuine connections and have more meaningful conversations. It seems the younger generation has a label for almost everything.
“The rising dating trend is a sign that young Singaporeans are still excited and interested in meeting people, but they’re finding new ways to get to know and understand each other better in a ‘low-pressure’ setting,” she explains.
Bumble’s recent survey supports this, finding that one in five locals say they’ve tried mundane dating. Grocery shopping ranks as the most suitable and enjoyable dating activity, followed by cooking, dog-walking, and furniture shopping. Most believe that doing these can help them see if they’re compatible with their prospective partners and whether they share the same values when tackling everyday tasks.
Enjoying the quieter moments and growing together
I’ve never considered mundane dating a new thing since I’m already entrenched in it. I’ve been with my partner for almost five years. Nowadays, our weeknight dates revolve around dinner at a quiet place (who has the time and patience to deal with crowds?), ordering bubble tea, and sitting in a park. Weekends are slightly more ‘exciting’: we head up to Johor Bahru, shop for groceries, and visit a night market.
I was curious to know more about mundane dating in this demographic, so I spoke with Tessa and Figo, both 23. A public relations associate and a university student, the two met at a mutual friend’s birthday party in 2021 and again in 2023; love blossomed after their second meeting. Tessa tells me their busy schedules make it difficult for them to go on dates involving many activities. So, they started spending more time together at home, doing simple things like watching a new TV series and walking their dogs.
“We realised our activities don’t matter as long as we spend time with each other. Since then, we’ve enjoyed the quieter moments while doing simple things. This ensures we continue to grow together in the relationship,” Tessa says. Mundane dating has taught the two to be more patient and forgiving with each other.
When asked about their most memorable mun-date (see what I did there?), the couple unanimously picked “cooking together after work”. “Tessa has been wanting to learn how to cook, so this stands out as we get to try new recipes and dishes together,” Figo explains. “We’re also able to bond and have better chemistry, which is a bonus.”
Spending time without the rah-rah display
Although the term may have originated from the younger generation, the concept has existed since before their time. Vivien, 54, and Thomas, 55, have been married for over 30 years and are more than familiar with mundane dating. They met when he paid a visit to his former engineering firm, where she was working a clerical temp job, and the rest is history.
During the early years of their marriage, the two were often busy with their own activities: she was constantly on business trips while he was sailing as a naval officer and pursuing his postgraduate degree. So, where did they find the time to be together?
“We found pockets of time for grocery runs or grabbing a quick bite to catch up and share interesting encounters during our work trips,” Vivien expounds. Sometimes, they did home-improvement activities like shopping for a new ceiling fan, upgrading to a new fridge, or window shopping at furniture stores to gain inspiration.
How did these routines shape their relationship? Vivien says they’re ingrained into their lifestyle over the years. The couple also tweak their activities to avoid becoming monotonous, like walking to the supermarket instead of driving. The extra time is dedicated to chatting with each other.
“We subconsciously bond without the pomp and pageantry, simply growing into each other.”
It’s all about balance
I believe that too much of a good thing can eventually turn out bad, and that includes mundane dating. Do the couples I spoke with share my thoughts? Vivien and Thomas vehemently disagree, citing “mature life stages” as their main reason. The two believe that enjoying simple dates fosters deeper, longer-lasting bonds. “At this age, we have different expectations of dating activities. We’re looking for more enduring emotional support and lasting relationships,” Thomas states.
Tessa and Figo concur. For the young couple, mundane dating offers new ways to learn more about each other and understand their small habits. However, they also recognise the importance of occasionally going on ‘high-key’ dates so they don’t get too comfortable with routines. “It reintroduces fun and novelty into our relationship.”
This reminds me of a TikTok video by local content creator Pam Lee Syuhadah, where she laments about going on “fun and romantic dates” that aren’t errands in disguise. While keeping things simple is tempting, dating should also involve activities requiring more effort and creativity, like picnicking or going on rollercoasters. It’s all about finding the sweet spot between mundane and high-octane activities.
As much as my partner and I enjoy the quieter moments, we still slot exciting plans into our outings to spice things up. Once, I was surprised with a hiking trip around MacRitchie Reservoir Park. I’m not a nature person, so it really took me out of my comfort zone. I survived the excursion, though I can’t say the same for my shoes.
An everlasting spark to an eternal fire
So, how can couples keep the spark alive without constant excitement? Take a leaf from your profiles. Vivien and Thomas want to try gardening and go for baking classes, while Tessa and Figo are excited to build furniture together, cycle, and go on double dates with their friends.
Whatever mun-date activities you decide to do, remember not to stress out about them. “Don’t be pressured to always plan something exciting or feel that the relationship is dying just because you’re doing simple things together!” Tessa exclaims. At the end of the day, what truly matters is your connection with each other.
The excitement will eventually fade – sorry, but that’s a bitter truth we must swallow. That’s why embracing mundane dating can keep your relationship strong. It’s about building a solid foundation through everyday activities and appreciating the simple moments together. These shared experiences help you understand and value each other on a more profound level, creating a relationship that thrives on genuine companionship and mutual support.
“Dating isn’t all about fireworks and adrenaline,” Vivien adds. The sparklers might dim, but so what? The steady flame of a deep, lasting love will burn bright.
