Red, yellow, pink, green… do you know these colours (and more) signify various flags in relationships? We’re here to unravel and make sense of them.
So you’ve had enough of the single life. You decide to put yourself out there and start dating a few people, eventually dwindling the number down to that one person you can see yourself with. Sounds easy enough, no? But we’re in the modern age of romance, and there are other things you need to be aware of before you make it social media official. We’re talking about sussing out potential flags in your relationship.
We know what you’re thinking: “Is this really necessary?” Well, unless you’re planning to write a truckload of songs about your exes like a certain someone, it’s totally imperative. You’ll be able to spot the signs and determine the next steps. Here’s a breakdown of the different relationship flag colours, their meanings, and what you can do if you encounter them.
United colours of relationship flags
Did you know relationship flags go beyond red and green? Picture the traffic light system, except besides orange, there are a few more colours in between. According to Sam Roberts, founder and director of Olive Branch Psychology and Counselling, flags in romantic entanglements can vary due to reasons such as underlying issues, communication patterns, emotional dynamics, attachment styles, and past experiences. These factors can impact how relationship problems are perceived and addressed.
He also highlights other aspects that may influence the perception and interpretation of relationship flags. “Socialisation and gender roles dictate expectations within relationships, impacting how flags are recognised based on cultural standards and values. Financial stability, socioeconomic status, and economic disparities may also contribute to power imbalances and relationship stressors.”
One thing to note is that there’s a difference between principles and preferences when it comes to interpreting flags in relationships. Declaring that you can’t be together with someone because they’re not good-looking is not a flag of any colour, so don’t get it twisted. We’re on the lookout for deal-breakers here.
Fly this flag at full-mast
Let’s first dive into the easiest colour: green flags. This hue evokes calm and optimism, and signifies long-term potential in a relationship. Simply put, these are the signs that practically scream, “This one’s a keeper!” When you notice any of them, you’re more likely to consider the other party favourably in the long run. Green flags include being able to communicate their feelings, have difficult conversations, respect your boundaries, pay attention to the minute details, and share the same values as you.
Some love sceptics may deem the bar as low thanks to the abovementioned traits, but with the number of people who’ve been burned by relationships in this day and age, watching out for green flags requires a lot of patience and trust. Listen to your gut instincts, folks! Don’t be quick to bail on someone who displays these behaviours. (Yes, I’m calling all of you us out.)
Now that we’ve gotten green out of the way, let’s hone in on the other colours: beige, pink, yellow, and orange flags. They may sound similar to one another, but the shades characterise quirks that shouldn’t trigger alarm bells immediately. “Minor quirks are small frustrations that happen occasionally in a relationship. These transpire from differences between people and their personal habits. They don’t cause big problems and can usually be fixed by talking about them,” Sam explains.
It’s not right, but it’s okay
Those active on TikTok may be familiar with the term “beige flags”. Previously, it was used for dating profiles that were boring or contained cliched liners. Nowadays, the expression has taken on a new meaning – a beige flag is a quirk that can be odd or unique, but is neither bad nor good.
For example, someone I used to date would film themselves doing K-pop dances and upload the videos on social media. Nothing wrong with that, of course, but it’s a very niche quirk. Beige flag, if you will. Another example is affecting a child-like voice when chatting with their pets (why they do it, I’ll never understand).
Are beige flags a cause for concern? Not really. If you’ve noticed, they’re mainly posted on TikTok for everyone’s amusement. Think of these quirks as part of their personality, which made you fall for them in the first place.
On the other hand, pink flags are subtle indicators you can probably overlook the first few times, but they’ll nag at you… until eventually you need to talk about them. Pink flags vary, though the most common ones are avoiding difficult or uncomfortable conversations (having disagreements in a relationship is not a bad thing), mismatched love languages, being constantly distracted by technology (exposing myself here), and sexual incompatibility. Warning: don’t let these issues simmer! Process and talk about them with your partner.
“In a relationship, both partners should implement regular check-ins to nurture their bond and address emerging concerns,” Sam explains. “This proactive approach facilitates healthy communication and enables them to resolve conflicts, ultimately strengthening their relationship promptly.”
You’re in danger, girl
When you think of yellow, you picture a colour often associated with happiness, sunshine, and hope. But in relationships, yellow flags are cautionary signs that tell you to tread carefully. While they may resemble pink flags, yellow flags are slightly more serious and warrant more attention. Examples include a lack of shared values and interests, unwillingness to compromise, and no social background (no friends to hang out with? That’s a bit sus). Here’s where you step back and try to find common ground.
Meanwhile, orange flags are basically one step closer towards seriously dangerous territory. At this stage, problematic behaviours must be dealt with swiftly – no sweeping under the rug or burying your head in the sand. “If couples can’t address their concerns themselves, seeking professional help can offer valuable guidance and support in navigating challenging situations,” Sam suggests.
Exhibiting passive-aggressive behaviour, being overbearingly jealous or possessive, constantly criticising the other party, and showing a lack of emotional availability are some instances of orange flags. These can negatively impact your relationship by eroding trust and causing emotional distress, eventually resulting in frequent conflicts. If left unresolved, they’ll lead to the biggest, oft-cited relationship flag.
Don’t paint the town red
@dustinpoynter should i bring this red flag series over to tik tok? been doing it mostly on other platforms but thinking of changing that. sound off 🚩 👇🏻 #redflag #redflags #sideeye #viral #trending #foryou
This is the coloured flag no one wants to encounter or trigger. It often signals behaviours, attitudes, or situations that can lead to harm, abuse, or significant discord if ignored. Think of red flags as stop signs that demand immediate attention. They might include manipulation, dishonesty, disrespect, control issues, or any form of mistreatment.
Sam states, “Persistent issues can be recognised by their duration of recurrence, the number of attempts taken to resolve them, and their overall impact on the relationship dynamics and individual well-being.”
“Behaviours are not sporadic. They can be more serious because they keep repeating and happen more often. If these behaviours go against important values, trust and communication can be hard for the other person in the relationship.”
Recognising and tackling red flags promptly is crucial for maintaining personal well-being and safety. Unfortunately, many people don’t notice the signals until it’s too late; by then, they grow accustomed to the triggers and accept them as part of the package. That said, it’s perfectly normal not to perceive every negative trait as a problem – you’re in love with the person, after all. Regardless, it’s never too late to seek help and make positive changes for a healthier, happier future.
It’s time to flag it
Is that all there is to relationship flags? Sorry folks, we’re still not done. In fact, there are a few other colours that most people aren’t aware of. Firstly, we have the black flags, which bear a dark meaning as per their pigment. A black flag can refer to violating established boundaries or disregarding consent; encountering this means your relationship has run its course. There’s no point in working things out as your safety and self-respect are at stake. The only thing you can do is to walk away.
If you have an inkling that your relationship is dying, you’re facing what’s regarded as a blue flag. In this instance, you notice that your partner has grown emotionally distant and is gaining support from someone outside your relationship. They stop sharing their whereabouts with you and might even blame you for cheating on them (projecting much?).
Alright, that’s enough bad flags – we’ve saved the best for last. What do you know about white flags? Commonly noted to symbolise a surrender or truce, spotting this pristine flag in a relationship means your other half is comfortable letting their guard down and being vulnerable with you. They’re also making little changes and sacrifices to make the relationship work. You can say this is an extension of the green flag.
Every relationship will weave in all flag colours
Navigating romance isn’t always straightforward, and relationship flags can often be mixed or misunderstood. Every love connection will encounter its share of flags, but these shouldn’t be seen as insurmountable obstacles. Instead, they serve as valuable indicators that prompt meaningful conversations and growth within the relationship.
If you’re unsure whether a behaviour or situation constitutes a relationship flag, Sam advises tuning into your feelings of discomfort, unease, or misalignment with personal values and boundaries. These internal signals can serve as invaluable guides in understanding and addressing potential concerns. He emphasises the importance of mutual respect and collaboration in navigating challenges effectively. Choosing the right moment for sensitive conversations, creating a safe space, and attentively understanding each other’s perspectives are vital steps in resolving conflicts.
Relationship flags should serve as guideposts rather than roadblocks. Whether they appear as subtle pink hues or glaring red warnings, these flags prompt meaningful conversations and foster growth within the relationship. So, as you traverse the colourful spectrum of relationship flags, remember that they’re not meant to dictate your romantic entanglement’s fate but to inspire honest dialogue and mutual growth.
“Cultivating resilience in a relationship is an ongoing process that requires consistent effort and attention to factors that support overall well-being. Resilience enables couples to bounce back from challenges, adapt to changes, and grow together,” Sam aptly puts it.
With empathy, clear boundaries, and a commitment to understanding each other, couples can strengthen their bond and create a foundation for a healthier, more resilient partnership.
