
Let’s explore how cultural norms and evolving views are reshaping intimacy and sexual curiosity in Singapore.
“Am I too bold?” “Will people think I’m strange?” “Sex was always taught to be private.” These are just a few sentiments I’ve overheard over the years, teaching sex education in Singapore. Although not everyone feels this way, it’s safe to say we’re far from seeing vibrator ads on MRT billboards. When people hear about my work, they’re often surprised I’m a native Singaporean. This makes me wonder: are Singaporeans really as “vanilla” as people say when it comes to sex?
To explore this, I reached out to my fellow sex therapist and certified sex coach, Dian Handayani, who has deep insights into how Singapore’s cultural environment influences our views on sex and pleasure.
Unpacking Singapore’s vanilla sex education

To start, what does “vanilla” even mean? In the context of sex, we’re referring to more conventional or mainstream sexual preferences – those that tend to steer clear of exploring kinks, fetishes, or unconventional desires. It’s often seen as the “norm” for sexual activities, and in many ways, it’s a reflection of a society’s comfort zone, especially how people view intimacy and pleasure.
In Singapore, social and cultural influences play a huge role in shaping how we approach sex. Dian points out that the overall sexual climate in Singapore is relatively reserved. However, this isn’t necessarily due to a lack of curiosity, but rather because of the constraints of cultural norms.
Personally, this is something I relate to, having grown up with a limited sex-ed experience. I remember the awkwardness of watching a film about abortion in my science class, followed by a lecture that stressed abstinence and STI prevention. For Dian, she was raised with messages like, “Sex and dating are distractions” and “Don’t get pregnant or bring disease and shame to the family.”
Most attendees in my pleasure empowerment workshops have shared that they were raised in households where sex was a taboo subject. It was rarely, if ever, openly discussed.
The issue goes beyond a lack of sex-ed in schools, it’s the absence of conversations about pleasure and emotional connection in sex. “This creates an information gap,” explains Dian, highlighting how people struggle with the vocabulary and confidence to express basic desires, preferences, and boundaries, let alone anything outside societal norms.
Singapore’s emphasis on career success tends to overshadow personal development, leaving little room for open discussions about sexuality. Dian points out that the pressure to achieve takes priority over developing “soft skills” like emotional intimacy and relationship fulfilment. Our goal-oriented culture, she adds, strips away playfulness, even in intimate relationships.
This mindset, rooted from a young age, often carries over into adulthood, impacting how we approach intimacy and relationships.
Does sexual curiosity matter today?

As conversations about sexuality open up worldwide, curiosity takes centre stage, especially in light of concerning trends. A Durex survey found that one in two women in Singapore had unsatisfying sexual experiences. There’s also a troubling rise among Gen Z being increasingly exposed to unfiltered online content that shapes unhealthy views of relationships.
Singapore’s traditional views on sex hold strong, adding to the challenges of opening up conversations. Did you know nearly 70% of Singaporeans think casual sex is rarely or never justifiable? And 46% see pre-marital sex as a no-go, according to a 2020 study by Institute of Policy Studies. These beliefs create a rigid societal “script” for sex, one that sticks to the basics, leaving little room for curiosity or exploration beyond the “vanilla” norm.
Shifting perspectives among young Singaporeans
Despite traditional views, I’ve witnessed firsthand the evolving attitudes towards sexuality, particularly among younger generations. As Dian puts it, “There’s more curiosity among younger Singaporeans. They’re keen to experiment in ways that are consensual, respectful, and pleasurable for everyone involved.”
She’s absolutely right! The influence of global culture and easier access to sexual wellness resources drives this increasing openness. Younger generations now have the opportunity to educate themselves and ask questions that previous generations could never have imagined. As they move away from traditional beliefs, they embrace alternative relationship dynamics such as polyamory and consensual non-monogamy, fostering self-discovery and building new forms of connection.
But while progress is made, there’s more work to be done. Many young people still struggle with balancing conservative family values, creating tension between curiosity and a fear of judgment.
Practical steps for exploring sexuality
If you’re feeling stuck in a routine, Dian recommends starting with open, small conversations about your desires. “It doesn’t have to be intense,” she says. “Start with a small change, like a different setting, to create a space where curiosity can thrive.”
To enhance that connection, bring playfulness back into your relationship. Remember the excitement of exploring a toy store as a child? You can bring that sense of discovery by visiting a sex shop together and exploring new toys or gadgets to refresh your experiences. Play is key in relationships, sparking joy, curiosity, and fresh communication for a fun and exciting connection.
For a deeper exploration, workshops can guide you through embracing new dimensions of connection. Seeing a sex coach or therapist can also help introduce more adventurous aspects into your relationship. Ultimately, the goal is a safe space for all desires, where everyone feels respected.
So, are Singaporeans vanilla?
Maybe we lean towards the safe side, but there’s a genuine curiosity on sex education in Singapore that simply needs encouragement. With open conversations and sex-positive resources, we can move from “vanilla” to “vibrant,” celebrating desires that feel true for each of us. Who knows? This might be the start of a new chapter in Singapore’s approach to intimacy, where curiosity and authenticity shine.