
Are you always saying yes, avoiding conflict, and making others happy at the expense of yourself? Here’s how to break free of “Good Girl Syndrome”.
Women who are high achievers often juggle multiple roles – executives, mothers, partners and friends – while striving to meet external expectations. This pressure to excel can lead to what I call the “Good Girl Syndrome”, a silent struggle that many face but rarely name. It’s that internalised need to be agreeable, avoid conflict, and please others.
As a Somatic Trauma-Informed Coach, I’ve seen it in some of my clients. Take Sarah, for example. A high-performing legal executive who was the go-to person for everyone at work and home, she thought she could handle it all – except she couldn’t. Behind closed doors, she was running on fumes, exhausted from putting everyone else’s needs above hers. She’d forgotten what she wanted. This story isn’t unique; many women find themselves in similar people-pleasing patterns where they neglect their well-being.
It begins innocently enough. After all, who doesn’t want to be seen as kind, dependable and likeable? But here’s the catch: when being “good” turns into self-sacrifice, you start losing yourself. You may feel overworked, underappreciated, and stuck in a loop of seeking external validation, constantly worried about disappointing others.
The root causes of “Good Girl Syndrome”: Culture and conditioning

“Good Girl Syndrome” doesn’t come from nowhere. It’s deeply rooted in societal and cultural narratives ingrained in us over the years. Women are often conditioned to believe their value lies in how much they can give to others. Whether you’re the nurturing mother, the devoted partner, or the tireless worker, the message is clear: your worth is measured by selflessness.
In addition, many of us are taught from a young age that conflict is bad. We are socialised to “be nice”, to “keep the peace” and to silence our needs for harmony. This, combined with the societal pressure for women to be perfect, leaves us feeling like our desires and well-being take a backseat. The result? A learned belief that your needs are last on the list.
So, how do you spot traces of “Good Girl Syndrome” in your life? Ask yourself: Do I feel guilty when I say no? Am I constantly worried about disappointing others? Do I put off my own goals or desires to prioritise others? Am I overwhelmed trying to do it all? If these questions resonate with you, take a closer look at the patterns holding you back.
The impact: Burnout, resentment, and loss of identity

Living with “Good Girl Syndrome” can lead to a quiet but devastating toll on your personal and professional life. In relationships, you might find yourself constantly overcommitting, avoiding confrontation, and feeling resentment because your needs are never met. It feels like you’re giving everything to everyone, yet nothing is returned in a way that nourishes you.
In your career, saying yes to every request can lead to burnout, frustration, and feeling overlooked for leadership roles. Over time, you may begin to feel invisible, stuck in a pattern of people-pleasing without the recognition you deserve.
On a mental health level, this continuous pressure to perform can trigger anxiety, depression, and a deep sense of disconnection from who you truly are. Trying to be everything for everyone often means you’re nothing for yourself.
Saying no: How to overcome “Good Girl Syndrome”

Breaking free from “Good Girl Syndrome” doesn’t mean you stop being kind or compassionate. It simply means learning to include yourself in the equation. The first step is to recognise the pattern: Take a step back and reflect on why you’re saying yes to requests. Is it because you genuinely want to or because you feel obligated to? Awareness is key.
Once you’ve recognised the pattern, set boundaries. They’re essential for teaching others how to treat you, and you can start small. Rather than immediately agreeing, try saying, “Let me check my schedule” or “I need to think about that”. This gives you space to make decisions that align with your needs.
Next, redefine what success means to you. It doesn’t need to be defined by external expectations. Create a vision that aligns with your values and aspirations, not others’ demands.
Lastly, practice self-compassion. Your worth isn’t tied to how much you do for others. Remind yourself that your needs are valid. Affirmations like “My needs matter” can help rewire the internal narrative that prioritises others over yourself.
It’s time to rewrite your story

“Good Girl Syndrome” doesn’t have to define you. By understanding the roots of these patterns and making intentional changes, you can reclaim your life, step into your power, break free, and live more authentically. And remember: you don’t have to do this alone.