Corporate baddies and daddies, we want to know: are you genuinely friends with your colleagues, since you see them 40 hours a week?
Ah, colleagues. Can’t live with them, can’t live without them. They’re unavoidable whether you go to the office every day or have a hybrid work arrangement. Some might say you interact with them more than your loved ones. Conversations with co-workers can range from the innocuous, like small talk about beating the heat (we love complaining about the weather), to the downright serious, such as discussing retirement plans. Some get comfortable enough to talk about personal affairs.
Being friends with your colleagues is like a double-edged sword. On one hand, you’ve built rapport with them since you spend almost 40 hours each week with them. On the flip side, where do you draw the line between your personal and professional lives? Is there such a thing as a work friend, or are they just a result of being in close proximity?
The one where you’re friends with your co-workers
I’ve realised that colleagues are the friends you need to survive in the workplace. It doesn’t matter if you’re in a stellar company that values everyone or stuck in a toxic employment situation – as long as you have at least one person by your side, you can make it through the rain. I’m not alone in this thinking. According to Lim Wei Ling, WE Communications Singapore’s human resources business partner, building friendships with colleagues can transform your workplace experience.
It’s like unlocking a treasure trove of benefits: from fostering collaboration and trust to boosting morale and making those Monday mornings a tad brighter.
–Lim Wei Ling
Working with “frolleagues” – a portmanteau of friend and colleague, it stands for co-workers you’ve accepted into your inner circle – can make even the dullest tasks bearable. Imagine having to pore over spreadsheets or slog through customer feedback alone. That’s not much fun, innit? Now, picture going through all that, but with your favourite co-worker. At the very least, there’s someone ‘suffering’ alongside you. Trauma bonds people, as they say.
It’s not all doom and gloom, however. Whether it’s having non-work conversations during long lunches, unwinding with drinks and letting our hair down at the hottest party, or coming together for heartfelt discussions, my team’s camaraderie knows no bounds. At this point, they’re more than my writers, editors, and millennial managers. They’re humorous individuals with big hearts and fascinating stories.
Samantha Tan, human resource business partner at Jobstreet Singapore, highlights that friendships in the workplace can encourage colleagues to open up, share constructive criticism, and elevate each other. She adds: “Company leaders who foster friendships with team members can better understand their team’s challenges, contributing to a smoother working relationship.”
Is it wise to be that friendly, though?
The frolleague I am now is far removed from when I first joined the working world. Back then, I was very guarded with my personal life. Whenever my ex-colleagues asked how my weekend went, my stock replies were, “It was good” and “Oh, nothing much”. If they chose to follow up by enquiring what I did, I’d either respond vaguely (“I went out with friends”) or lie through my teeth (“I just hung out at home” or “I stayed in bed”). In truth, I was living it up in the clubs from Friday to Sunday. Yes, I drew a tough line when sharing with my former co-workers.
Was that extremist behaviour? I don’t think so. Besides establishing boundaries, the action portrayed me as an individual who didn’t let personal conduct mar my professional standing. My ex-colleagues weren’t privy to the details of my personal life, so they couldn’t gossip about it or believe we were on friendlier terms. We were cordial enough that they knew certain things, but they didn’t get access to my deeper recesses. I invented social distancing before Covid-19 made it an actual thing.
Samantha warns that blurring personal and professional boundaries can lead to inefficiencies and disruptions. “The friendship could take precedence over work, or colleagues could become overly attached to each other. This could lead them to make emotionally driven or biased choices in the workplace.”
Another potential downside to consider is perceptions of favouritism. This can arise if your frolleagues are involved in critical decisions, which makes maintaining objectivity all the more challenging. Here’s an example: you’re vying for a promotion with a friend, and the person who has to make the final call is also someone you’re friendly with. Will you be happy for the other person if you’re passed over or hold a grudge against everyone?
More than a colleague, almost a friend
In The Devil Wears Prada, Meryl Streep’s character Miranda instructs Andy (Anne Hathaway) to inform her colleague, Emily (Emily Blunt), that she won’t join them for Paris Fashion Week. At this juncture in the film, Emily regards Andy as her equal, which is why the latter dreads breaking the news. She eventually does the deed, which doesn’t go well for both.
I’m curious whether frolleagues can handle conflicts and not let their disagreements impact their working relationships. From what I’ve observed, it’s difficult not to conflate personal and professional boundaries. Some even perceive professional disagreements or feedback as personal attacks, turning minor misunderstandings into major rifts. It’s crucial for co-workers to maintain perspective and understand that differences of opinion are a natural part of working relationships. Taking constructive criticism or differing viewpoints personally can strain friendships and hinder collaboration.
Samantha concurs with my sentiments: “It’s natural to stand on your friend’s side in disagreements. However, employees who are friends must ensure they don’t overly empathise with one another or take sides in workplace conflict, as this can dilute objectivity.” She advises everyone to remain impartial and decide independently of the friendship. Ultimately, colleagues should prioritise work objectives and maintain professional boundaries in a workplace setting.
When faced with professional conflict, Wei Ling advises colleagues to step back and address the specific work-related issue directly and calmly. She suggests all parties involved listen actively and communicate clearly while respecting everyone’s feelings.
“If the conflict escalates or you feel you can’t resolve it yourselves, don’t be afraid to involve HR for mediation.”
So, are work friends real?
It may seem simpler to keep interactions strictly professional, especially when faced with potential conflicts or biases. However, limiting our interactions to such contexts can overlook the richness and depth that genuine friendships have to offer in the workplace.
Ultimately, the answer to whether work friends are “real friends” lies in the depth of our connections and their impact on our lives. Whether it’s celebrating successes together, offering support during challenging times, or simply sharing a laugh over coffee, the bonds we form with colleagues can be just as genuine and meaningful as those with pals outside of work.
Navigating workplace friendships might be challenging, but their value in our lives is undeniable. As we navigate these complexities, it’s crucial to prioritise authenticity, empathy, and mutual respect. By fostering a culture of trust and camaraderie, we create an environment where genuine connections thrive, enriching our professional endeavours and personal well-being.
Now, the question remains: can you be friends with your colleagues? The answer may vary for each individual, but one thing remains clear: the connections enhance our workplace experience and enrich our lives in ways we can never imagine.
Personally, I believe it’s possible to ‘promote’ your co-workers to friend status. The working environment may be transactional, but that shouldn’t mean genuine friendships can’t blossom organically. As long as you establish clear boundaries and choose your friends wisely, it’s all gravy.
