People screenshot text messages and share them for many reasons, but when does it cross the line?
Call it what you will: screenshots, receipts, insurance or blackmail. Whether we use it for good or bad, we’re all guilty. From Jade Rasif using screenshots to talk about Covid quarantine regulations to the recent saga with Night Owl Cinematics (NOC), where countless leaked screenshots of allegedly private text messages were systematically used in the takedown of one of their own – co-founder Sylvia Chan. After so many celebrities have fallen prey, why do we still do it?
So, I took to Instagram and did a poll. I asked what you’d do when speaking with a close friend about a grievance you have about work. Is it OK to use harsh language? And for those in relationships – is it acceptable to screenshot text messages from your significant other with the intention to scrutinise? What about the ethics of it? Is that even legal? And should you inform the person you’re talking to that you’ve taken a screenshot of the convo?
Honestly, the results surprised me. Take a look below.
The majority voted: Even if ranting to a friend, always be tactful
This was one of the poll outcomes that shocked me. I don’t fully believe the people who voted either. In an ideal world, sure, everyone should watch their anger, control their tongue and be tactful. As Michelle Obama says, “when they go low, we go high.” That’s what politically correct, passive-aggressive, cryptic statuses are for.
But when I’m annoyed about something and I choose to confide in a friend, I’m not watching my words. I’m unleashing my anger! That’s probably something we need to change. Especially since pop culture is littered with examples of private conversations and texts somehow getting out.
The majority voted: When frustrated about work, it’s OK to screenshot texts to share with close friends
Another shocker here. Many of the direct messages I later received were follow-ups explaining what they meant. Quite a number said they tend to screenshot messages or emails and send them to a close friend to get their opinion.
Was it too pointed? Was it a confusing email? Were the instructions unclear? Sure, I’ll bite. I’m guilty of that. However, if I’m being completely honest, those screenshots for “clarification purposes” are often followed with, “Is this client stupid or what?”
It’s not tactful in the slightest, but I’m talking to a close friend I trust… right? Sadly, as pop culture has told us, wrong. Just look at the sex tape scandals of Kim Kardashian and Kevin Hart. That’s not all. Even Amazon founder Jeff Bezos wasn’t spared when his intimate texts to his girlfriend were leaked. Well, if billionaires aren’t safe!
The majority voted: Screenshots are often taken out of context
Finally, a result I agree with. Back to the NOC drama: after Sylvia had her say with the Xiaxue interview, it was revealed that her partner and ex-husband Ryan Tan supposedly had a habit of recording conversations. He’s not alone. We’ve seen people in Singapore taking photos of others not wearing masks. Or recording awful situations instead of helping them.
So, is it ethical to screenshot conversations? We’ve all been there at the start of a relationship when a friend screenshots a crush’s message asking you what it means or how they should reply. Or Facebook’s favourite screenshots: the type between parents and their teenagers. They always provide a good laugh. Unfortunately, it still feels like screenshots are used more and more for evil than good.
The majority voted: When it comes to relationships, screenshots provide a clearer picture
All my Instagram polls above were done in the context of work – ranting about a situation, a boss or a colleague. But what about relationships? If you’re having an argument with your significant other and you take a screenshot of the text to send to a friend for input, is that acceptable? I was horrified when most of my followers thought it was a great idea to provide the “neutral” party with a better picture of the fight.
But if you’re taking screenshots of your quarrel with your partner and sending it to a close friend, that party is never “neutral”. And I can’t think of a bigger betrayal of trust than this. It doesn’t matter whether you want a fresh perspective or to understand why they’re upset. You just don’t do that. Most of all, when you’re having a tiff, whatever you’ve screenshot is probably a snippet of a longer back and forth. Chances are, it’s the ugliest part of the other person. Now, whoever you’re sending this screenshot to has an altered view of your partner.
It doesn’t matter if you record the whole exchange of texts. It’s still just one conversation out of an entire relationship. The only people who know what’s acceptable to them are the people in the relationship. So, no. This was a result that shocked and disappointed me.
The majority voted: You judge the person in the text more than the person sending the screenshot
I threw out this scenario: Jane and Mike are your friends who just had a row. Jane sends you a screenshot of the squabble where Mike’s being unreasonable. While I’d likely think less of Mike at the moment, in the grand scheme of things, I’d look at Jane differently as well.
Is she sending my conversations with her to other people when we have disagreements? Did she send me this screenshot hoping I’d immediately side with her? Is she taking a screenshot of my reply now and sending it to someone else to talk about why I’m not siding with her? Will she show Mike my replies? The mind games, the paranoia, the anxiety!
The majority voted: When you receive a screenshot, it stops at you
When I get a screenshot of someone else’s conversation, it totally stops at me. Until my husband gets home from work, and we discuss it over dinner. Then it stops at us. Until he goes to work at his barbershop and uses it as a point of discussion with his clients. Then it stops there. Unless his clients find it particularly interesting and share it with their friends… you see where I’m going with this.
To screenshot or not?
Who knew the power of our opposable thumbs? (Until they were used to take screenshots on our phones.) So, knowing that the majority of text leaks come from close friends, and when you’re in a rage you rarely control how you say things, why do we still do it? Do we forgive people who’ve done it to us because it’s the norm? Will this make any difference in the way we conduct ourselves through text messaging? Or will this bring about the return of actual phone calls?
If nothing else, it makes me look at my circle of friends that much closer.