Do the sounds of chewing, slurping, pen-tapping or sniffing make you want to tear out your hair? You might have misophonia.
My boyfriend crunches on an apple while we’re on a call, and immediately my skin prickles in retaliation to the noise. Irritation and anger well up in me, and I dig my nails into the palms of my hands. “Sorry,” I say (and I am truly sorry), “but can you mute yourself until you’re done eating?” He’s all too familiar with this and quickly turns off his sound. My tensed muscles start to relax. I hate the sound of chewing. But the abhorrence stems from more than just a pet peeve. A counsellor or mental health expert will tell you I have misophonia. And if this sounds familiar, you might have it too.
Misophonia: When noise drives you mad
You know the feeling of repulsion you get from hearing nails screeching across a chalkboard? That ick is exactly how I feel when I hear someone chewing – but amplified.
“Misophonia, or selective sound sensitivity syndrome, is a condition where people are hypersensitive to sounds that most people overlook in their environment,” explains John Shepherd Lim, chief well-being officer at Singapore Counselling Centre. These sounds can range from crunching and slurping to throat-clearing, pen-tapping and sniffing.
How does it differ from simple irritation? Well, aside from feeling a negative emotion, someone with misophonia also experiences a physiological reaction. “It can cause levels of high anxiety, stress and tension. Sometimes even anger and rage,” says Willy Ho, founder and clinical director of The Counselling Paradigm. According to Annabelle Chow, a clinical psychologist at Annabelle Psychology, this includes experiencing muscle tension, a raised heart rate and increased sweating.
I can relate. I often want to yell, “Please chew quietly! What’s wrong with you?” and deck somebody in the face. But that would get me in a ton of trouble. As you can imagine, ASMR mukbang videos are out of the question for me.
No, I’m not just overreacting
I developed misophonia when I was about 15. In fact, I remember the moment it happened. I was on the couch with my family, and my dad was eating next to me. Suddenly, all I could hear was his chewing. It sparked an urgent need in me to escape.
Back then, I didn’t have a name for it, so it was difficult to explain. My family and friends probably thought I was being unreasonable. Especially when I’d walk away from the dining table or ask them to chew softly. But to me, it felt lonely, like I was fighting an unseen battle nobody understood. Every time it happened, I wanted to yank all the hair out of my scalp.
Many times I’ve been asked if the noise is something I can ignore and put up with. But I’ve endeavoured to get over it and found it can’t be overcome by sheer willpower or prolonged exposure.
“Misophonia [is misconceived to be a] largely psychological issue and this can lead people to think it’s a case of mind over matter. But a large part of it is neurological,” John explains. It’s the activity levels in the brain that cause large reactions and place internal stress on those who have it.
The difference between simple irritation and misophonia also lies in how it impacts your social life. Willy shares that while we all get annoyed by certain sounds, we’re able to tolerate them and continue our day. But those with misophonia can end up drawing away from certain social situations to avoid triggering noises.
Is it frustrating? Absolutely. My noise-cancelling earbuds have saved me many times.
Do I have to live with this forever?
If you’ve got misophonia, you’re probably wondering how you can get out of this personal hell. Unfortunately, there isn’t an established cure due to the limited amount of research available. But don’t be discouraged. The good news: you can pick up coping strategies through therapy.
The two most common forms experts recommend are cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) and tinnitus retraining therapy (TRT). Annabelle says CBT can help you develop adaptive thinking patterns and responses to your triggers. Meanwhile, TRT can reinforce positive associations with sounds that cause a negative reaction.
“You can also attempt counterconditioning,” John adds. “This is where you engage with something that evokes positive feelings within you – like a photo of a loved one or a favourite song – when you experience a triggering sound.”
Siri, play Abba’s greatest hits, please.
Of course, the effectiveness of therapy can depend on the severity of your misophonia. But I believe anything that can help you manage your triggers is better than nothing.
The sensitive way to handle hypersensitivity
The worst part about having this condition is recognising how unreasonable you seem. Case in point: my colleagues in the office try to eat biscuits like quiet mice out of consideration for me. And I feel awful about it. I know biscuits are crunchy; how can I expect them not to crunch?
I asked the experts how sufferers can manage misophonia outside of therapy, and how to react if you find out someone has the condition. It turns out all you need is healthy communication and a good dose of empathy.
If you have misophonia, John suggests using “I” instead of “you” statements when explaining triggers to loved ones or friends. For example, saying “I’m naturally affected by loud chewing noises” can rub off better than “Your chewing noises are upsetting me”. It helps you acknowledge their actions aren’t intentional and takes away blame from the individual you’re speaking to.
“[On the flipside] if you know anyone with misophonia, it first helps if you understand they don’t want to feel this way. They experience great difficulty trying to resolve it by themselves. Your understanding will be a great support to them,” Willy says.
Besides that, it doesn’t hurt to find out their specific triggers – be it oral sounds, clicking noises or shuffling from movement. “Avoid inviting them into those situations, and be aware of which actions produce those sounds,” Annabelle shares.
I really appreciate it when my loved ones let me know they’re about to eat something that may generate a lot of noise. It gives me the opportunity to decide how I should respond before I get annoyed – whether that’s temporarily moving to another space, or plugging in my trusty noise-cancelling earbuds.
Managing misophonia is an uphill battle, especially when several noises that trigger me are part of everyday life. But if you promise to be patient with me, I promise not to tear your head off if you chew loudly.
