Psst: today is National Siblings Day! I reflect on my relationship with my sister, which has been a source of laughter, support, and understanding.
In the family, sons often see their mothers as their first love, while daughters may view their fathers as their earliest male role models. Similarly, siblings often serve as each other’s first companions, forging bonds that can surpass family ties. They become each other’s earliest confidants, best friends, and sometimes even adversaries, navigating the complexities of childhood together.
With National Siblings Day falling on 10 April annually (yes, it’s a thing), I take the time out of my Hari Raya preparations this year to honour my younger sister, who’s been in my life for good and bad.
Not quite Mary-Kate and Ashley
Initially, it wasn’t just her and me. We were supposed to have a younger brother, but fate had other plans. Being closer in age (we’re two years apart) made it easier to get along as we grew up. We looked so similar back then that many assumed we were (fraternal) twins. Personally, I don’t see it, but we used it to our advantage to bamboozle people.
As the years passed, we changed – I got taller and darker while my sister remained petite and fair – but we still received the same comment. Our face card hasn’t declined, as the younger generation would say.
Like other Singaporean kids in the ‘90s, my sister and I were raised by our maternal grandparents while my parents worked. After our grandmother’s untimely passing due to diabetes, we became latchkey kids. The term refers to minors left to their own devices after school hours. It was a difficult time for both of us, as we had to grow up faster and become independent. As the firstborn, I had to take up the reins of looking after my sibling and myself.
The good thing was that my parents enrolled us in the same primary school, which made commuting easier. We didn’t have mobile phones back then, so being in the same learning environment meant keeping an eye out for my sister wasn’t a complicated affair. Plus, we ran in the same circles, so my friends could step up and help look after her when needed.
While we managed to survive our younger years, a couple of incidents still stick with me to this day. I was very upset with my sibling both times, so I walked off or acted out on her. I’m not proud of my behaviour, but I’m certain that if I asked my sister about them, she’d say she’s forgotten them. This is probably a bane of being the elder sibling.
Entering Jaden and Willow Smith territory
After reminiscing about our childhood antics, I remember how our bond evolved during adolescence. It’s a phase where sibling relationships can grow stronger or face new hurdles. Reflecting on my experiences now, I can’t help but wonder: how did you navigate your relationship with your siblings during those formative years?
Like many, my sister and I navigated our growing-up years while actively forging our own identities. Even though we were in different secondary schools, we knew each other’s friends. There were plenty of times when she hung out with my friends and me. It felt like nothing had changed from our childhood days…
Actually, I take it back. There were changes, mostly in how we viewed romantic relationships. Given my sister’s size and goofy personality, it was a given that she became the belle of her school. If my memory serves me right, I remember her getting to know and dating numerous boys. Conversely, I was the typical nerd: scoring above-average points despite not putting in too much effort, focusing my attention on reading bestseller books, and putting up performances for the yearly Teacher’s Day celebration. What a geek!
At this stage of our sibling relationship, we were like two parallel lines running in tandem across the pages. Our lives didn’t revolve around each other as much, but we were still in sync as brother and sister.
Kim and Kourtney Kardashian who?
As we ventured into adulthood, my dynamics with my sibling continued to evolve. No longer bound by the innocence of childhood or the tumultuousness of adolescence, we found ourselves facing a new set of challenges and opportunities. Despite our shared history and familial ties, we were also individuals with our own dreams, aspirations, and struggles.
While I was going through my National Service, my sister reached a new milestone in attaining her first job and earning adult money. When I was living it up in the clubs and partying almost every weekend, she was already looking for a new place of employment. As I mellowed down and became serious with work, she was furthering her studies and preparing to settle down. We were at different life stages and learning more about ourselves – and each other – as we went along.
However, despite traversing separate life paths in our grown-up years, my sister and I have become each other’s support pillars, offering empathy and understanding. She listened to my cries when I had my heart broken for the first time; I sat down and comforted her when she broke things off with her then-fiance and almost incited a household war with our mother. You see, she looked forward to my sister getting married and didn’t take too kindly to the split.
Is it always like this? No, of course not. We may not agree on everything because of our differences, quirks, and moments of tension. But underneath it all lies a deep-rooted bond that transcends time and distance. Our connection became more prominent when my sister insisted I become a prime witness at her wedding, and during her pre-marriage course, she told the instructor that I raised her. The Kardashian sisters could never!
Like Jake and Maggie Gyllenhall
I feel a little pensive whenever I hear anecdotes about sibling relationships that have soured. Why should you be fighting with your first best friend? Studies have shown a correlation between good sibling kinship and its impact on mental health as life progresses.
Then again, familial relationships are never black and white. There are too many shades of grey, nuances, and reading between the lines to make sense of everything. Humans are not designed to get along with everyone, even if they’re your own flesh and blood. As unfortunate as that sounds, it’s a bitter pill that some brothers and sisters have to swallow.
I remember adding this quote when writing Facebook and Instagram tributes on National Siblings Day almost a decade ago, and it still rings true today. “Relationships with our siblings are often the longest ones of our lives. For the most part, relationships with siblings often start and end with life itself, outlasting even our relationships with our parents.”
As I pen this tribute and recall everything that has happened, I can’t help but smile. I’m glad my sister and I have great ties with each other. When our parents are gone, she’s the only person I can rely on. Wait, scratch that – she’s been the only one I turn to, even when I feel she doesn’t understand my point of view. Friends come and go, but siblings are forever.
Plus, who else will ship me off to the senior citizens’ home when the time comes? Only my sister can.
