The new season of Love is Blind is so bad, but we can’t stop watching it. Why are we addicted to reality dating shows?
“Have you watched Love is Blind season two?” is a question I’m buffeted with recently. And the answer is obviously, yes. In this particular series, single contestants pair up in pods and attempt to fall in love without seeing each other face-to-face. I’m not a big fan of reality TV shows, but for some reason, I feel compelled to watch this burning mess! Viewers of the show can all agree Shake is a huge jerk. And that love triangle between Shayne, Natalie and Shaina? I cringe.
The truth is, the world can’t get enough of the drama that reality TV shows bring. Especially the dating ones. I mean, did you know the first season of Love is Blind garnered 30 million views on Netflix in 2020? I couldn’t figure out the reason behind this obsession, so I decided to ask some experts. Let’s just say, the stuff I discovered is something you’ll want to consider the next time you put on an episode.
It makes us feel superior
Picture this: you’re curled up on the couch with your partner watching an episode of Love is Blind, Love Island or Too Hot to Handle. One of the contestants says something dumb like, “Wow, you mean people have actually gone to the moon?” as if the 1969 moon landing isn’t a widely known fact. You chortle and think, “Thank God I’m not dating someone so dense.”
Sound familiar? Well, it’s actually one of the draws of reality TV shows of this nature. In a world where we’ve all built up this perfect, faultless image of ourselves on social media and towards other people, it’s incredibly intriguing to see the worst of human nature occur in a space where participants of dating shows aren’t able to conceal their behaviours and emotions. (Or they play it up to the camera because, y’know, their Instagram following will get a boost and money will come rolling in.)
“We enjoy making these comparisons because it helps us to feel better about ourselves. We feel we are cleverer and have made better choices,” says Maria Micha, psychotherapist at Maria Micha Counselling Centre. “The safety that we feel in our living room, hugging our partner while watching someone else fail and suffer, is rewarding. We think that we’re not the same as these people.”
Besides superiority, we also feel a sense of satisfaction when we see “bad” people meet bad ends. There are plenty of discussions on online forums surrounding reality TV shows – especially on platforms like Twitter and Reddit. Just have a look, and you’ll see countless threads analysing, uplifting or bashing the same few contestants.
“When bad people can be punished, we feel a sense of moral satisfaction,” says Trini Tan, counselling psychologist at Impossible Psychology Services. “People tend to bond over negative attitudes towards others, such as coming together to dislike a common villain in a show. This can create a community of people with the same interests and foster a sense of belonging.”
Can’t argue with that. I’m 100% not on board the Shake train (and I can’t say I didn’t get a good laugh out of the terrible memes that came out of his mess).
We love the idea of love
This isn’t new news, but most of us are just so enamoured by the idea of love and what it truly means. It’s why we can’t get enough of reality TV shows that revolve around the idea of finding that lifelong partner and fairytale ending.
“The topic of romance always interests people despite the same story being repeated over and over again,” Trini says. “We’re so driven to understand love that we often seek it out and try to learn as much as we can about it.”
She shares that watching shows like Love is Blind and seeing contestants experience unrequited love is something that’s very relatable and resonates with viewers. After all, many of us have that one person we adored who didn’t love us in return. “It helps us feel less alone in what we’re going through,” she says.
It also fulfils our desire to be swept off our feet and experience that fantasy romance we dream about. Trini touches on the example of Ashley Ianotti, the Bachelor in Paradise contestant who spent seasons in a tumultuous relationship with fellow contestant Jared Haibon before finally marrying him. “Her story may have provided hope for others who are on dating roller coasters of their own – that they, too, can find their happy ending.”
The real impact of reality TV
Most people watch reality TV shows like Love is Blind strictly for the laughs – but are all the countless episodes we’ve binged affecting us in ways we don’t see? Maybe.
“These shows are based on people hurting people, and focus on the survival of the most beautiful, cunning and ruthless individuals,” Maria says. “When we watch these shows, we unconsciously try to mimic what we see, and we internalise that in order to be seen as important, significant and chosen, we have to adopt these superficial traits and be these perfect-looking people.”
Trini adds that the unrealistic portrayal of relationships on reality TV shows can also give viewers a false understanding of secure, real and intimate relationships. “It encourages the perception that finding your dream relationship is fast and easy, and normalises excessive drama, poor communication and conflict in a relationship,” she shares. “Viewers who often watch such shows may not take time to understand their potential partners, and instead judge them based on superficial qualities like those highlighted in these shows.”
Additionally, it can increase feelings of depression and anxiety for those who don’t feel like they fit into the mould of the good-looking and successful individual. “They feel helpless if they’re unable to match up to the “ideal” standard of beauty and fitness in their minds,” Maria says. “They’re also less likely to find a partner based on healthy internal traits that lead to long-lasting and satisfactory relationships.”
So, is it all bad?
At the end of the day, we can’t neglect the fact that we derive a huge source of entertainment and joy from indulging in dating reality TV shows every now and then. What else would we do on a Friday night when we just feel like staying home in our jammies? Perhaps it’s okay to enjoy a couple of episodes – as long as we’re aware that what we’re seeing on screen isn’t an accurate depiction of a healthy, loving relationship (or the ideal face and body type).
“While there are negatives, there are a few up sides. Watching reality TV shows affords us a chance to dream, to hope and to aspire towards a better life. It fosters community and the opportunity to learn through the behaviours of others,” Trini says.
“As with everything in life, do all things in moderation.”
I think it’s time for me to put the remote down and take a break from all this drama… just for a little while.
