Is doing the deed during shark week as gross as we think it is? Let’s dive into the red and wonderful world of period sex with the help of sexologists.
Have you ever gotten down and dirty with your partner, with mood music on and lights dimmed… only to realise that the night is ruined because Aunt Flo came knocking and you have to put a major stop to everything? Or maybe you decided to give it a shot. What’s the worst that could happen, right? But no matter how many sex tips you get, nothing can prepare you for the first time you have period sex.
Don’t worry, I get it. In a world where people are uncomfortable talking about things like period pain and blood stains, there’s little wiggle room to squeeze in the added discussion of sex during your period. I don’t know about you, but I could never overcome my ick of it.
Besides potentially leaving the bedroom looking like a crime scene, I worry about the possibility of spreading diseases. What if I catch or spread more than just a regular STI? However, I’ve never let squeamishness stop me from asking questions and getting answers. Can and should you have sex during your period? Will it cause problems during menstruation? Is it even possible to make it enjoyable, mess and all? Into the Red Sea we go…
The bloody uncomfortable truth
After nudging around and sussing out what uterus-havers think of period sex, the results come as no surprise to me. Despite possible reservations, a majority of the people I spoke to actually gave it a shot (good on you!). But it came with mixed reviews. Half of them concluded they didn’t enjoy period sex, while the other half was a mix of people who enjoyed it plus some who couldn’t decide if it was for them.
The reasons for disliking period sex were all very similar to how I felt. The consensus was that the preparation, aftermath, and cleanup weren’t worth dealing with. Some mentioned how their low sex drive, cramps, and lethargy made period sex less appealing. When you have to deal with raging mood swings and back pain, sex is probably the last thing on your mind.
I was also pleasantly surprised by the flipside of the conversation, with some discussion on the perks of having period sex. Not only is blood a natural lubricant, but sex can help alleviate period cramps and backaches too. That alone might be enough to convince you to try it just once (anything to stop the pain, y’know).
It’s time to get clit-erate: Busting the misconceptions on period sex
Now, to the most important part – clearing up as many misconceptions about period sex as we can.
The biggest concern for all of us: how sanitary is period sex? Dr. Jessherin Sidhu, the medical director at Insync Medical, tells us that blood has the potential to carry blood-borne infections. This isn’t limited to just STIs either! Common viruses can lead to infections like kissing disease (aka mononucleosis), slapped cheek syndrome, and hand-foot-mouth disease. This isn’t to say you can’t have period sex, though. If you’re clear from STIs and go for diligent screenings, even period sex can be safe.
But, the mess is another factor that might stop you – and it’s valid. Imagine getting into the heat of the moment, only to stop halfway cause you need to adjust the towel underneath you so you don’t stain your mattress. Not very sexy. But here’s the reality – if you think about it, all sex is kinda messy.
Dian Handayani, founder and senior therapist as Nambani, tells us we tend to forget real-life sex isn’t as glamorous as the kind depicted in films. It can get messy, sticky, and smelly even without the blood. So, instead of shying away from that part of sex, embrace it!
For the curious readers who dropped us questions – no, you won’t get blood clots from period sex. Nor will it make you menstruate more. Because sex helps to facilitate the flow of blood, you might experience shorter periods. Orgasms also release endorphins, so the euphoria of sex (solo or partnered) promotes pain reduction and stress relief, Dr. Jess tells me. Goodbye, expensive pain meds!
Let’s talk about (period) sex, baby
Keen to give period sex a shot but have no idea how to reveal this information to your partner? We’ve got tips for you. Dian suggests reflecting on your perspective before bringing it up to your partner. Ask yourself if this is something you’re genuinely curious about. How comfortable are you about the topic, and are you ready to experience the process? It’s normal to feel embarrassed about it, but if you’re ready to welcome period sex (messiness and all), that’s the first step done and dusted.
Keep your communication open and casual. Breaking the ice may be the hardest part, but once you bring it up, let the discussion flow naturally and smoothly. It’s important to stay honest and allow room for disagreements or discomfort. Besides penetration, there are plenty of other ways to be intimate with your partner, like delving into oral sex or clit stimulation.
Tools and tips that’ll be your best friend (with benefits)
Getting steamy in the shower is a straightforward choice. Running water means you won’t have to deal with as much blood; it also makes cleanup much easier. But it’s not your only option! Yes, you can have period sex in the bedroom. Before you baulk at the thought, hear our experts out.
Dian recommends setting the mood by lighting some candles, which will help anyone sensitive to the smell of blood. Lay a dark towel down to minimise the mess. If you’re still afraid of possibly staining your mattress, Dian says you can consider going for vinyl waterproof bedsheets or a waterproof fleece blanket. Either way, these are meant to keep your sheets safe and take your mind off the stressful post-sex cleanup.
Make sure your bedside table is armed with wet wipes, tissues, and a bin for emergency cleanups. While you may have natural lubrication during your period, you can never have too much. For tampon users, Dr. Jess recommends having some handy as tampons strip you of natural moisture. So a dollop of lube can help get the ball rolling.
Did you know there are also period discs designed to be worn for period sex to keep things mess-free? Intimina’s Ziggy Cup and Flex’s reusable disc are designed to allow for penetration without any discomfort. You can also make oral sex cleaner with dental dams (ultra-thin barrier sheets) that won’t compromise on pleasure.
Ready to paint the town red?
So yes, period sex isn’t exactly the cleanest thing in the world. But it isn’t something to shy away from. Just like any kink play or exploration, enjoying period sex all comes down to preference.
If you’re someone who gets squeamish at the sight or smell of blood, maybe period sex isn’t for you. And that’s okay. Period sex (or any kind of sex, for that matter) is a preference, and you shouldn’t feel forced to do it if it’s not something you’re comfortable with.
Will I be giving it a try? Probably not anytime soon. But it’s still a topic I’ll gladly discuss with anyone who wants to talk about it. For now, when my period hits, I’ll stick to bed rotting with a hot cup of tea while waiting for my cramps to stop haunting me.
