This Mother’s Day, we’re demystifying custody for Hong Kong working mothers – so you can become a confident co-parent.
Nowadays, many working mums in Hong Kong are balancing careers and parenting – sometimes across two households. Whether you’re exploring shared care or simply want to understand your rights, family and divorce lawyer Jocelyn Tsao (Managing Director of Withers Hong Kong) is here to break down custody basics in plain terms. Think of this as your back-pocket advice to navigate shared parenting!
About our expert
Jocelyn Tsao is Managing Director of Withers Hong Kong and leads its family law team. With over 15 years of experience, she handles high-profile divorces, custody disputes, and complex financial cases (trusts, cross-border assets, and digital wealth). A seasoned litigator and mediator, she’s recognised by Doyle’s Guide, Legal 500, and Chambers and Partners for her expertise in child relocation and high-net-worth matrimonial law.
A gentle introduction to child custody, care, and control
Question: What’s the difference between custody VS care and control?
Answer: In Hong Kong divorces, “custody” refers to the right to make major decisions about your child’s upbringing (like schooling and healthcare), which courts usually expect both parents to share.
On the other hand, “care and control” is different – it’s about who the child primarily lives with day-to-day. While care and control often goes to one parent, more working mums and dads are now successfully sharing it.
Question: Is shared care common for working mums in Hong Kong now?
Answer: Yes! In modern societies like Hong Kong, most families are dual-income households, which means both parents work full-time. Therefore, it’s quite common for parental responsibilities to be shared – no more “default” or traditional primary caregiver who stays at home to look after the children.
Of course, there are still situations where a parent, although working, takes up most of the parental duties – usually working mothers. However, there are more and more fathers who have stepped up to share childcare, too. In these situations, where both parents are actively involved and can cooperate post-separation, shared care and control may be appropriate.
Question: What’s the key to making shared care work?
Answer: Three things make shared care successful:
1. Teamwork
Parents must have a cordial, cooperative working relationship as co-parents. There are many aspects of children’s everyday lives that demand smooth transition and clear communication – think supervising schoolwork or moving belongings like uniforms and books from one home to another. Constant conflict? It likely won’t work.
2. Consistency
You and your ex should have aligned values on how to parent your children. Having similar rules in both homes (like bedtimes and screen time limits) prevents confusion.
3. Logistics
Living close by to each other helps kids transition easily. Also, children should ideally be of an age where they are more adaptable and independent (e.g. over six years old). It isn’t ideal for infants or toddlers to be in a shared care arrangement, as they need a more secure and stable base.
Question: What if my ex and I don’t get along? Can we still do shared care?
Answer: Let’s be real – if you’re constantly fighting, shared care is tough. But if you both agree to try, you may have to adopt a parallel parenting method. These hacks may help:
1. Divide and conquer
Agree on practical arrangements as far as possible and discuss what handovers would be like. For example, in the case of supervising schoolwork, you may wish to split subjects so you don’t interfere with each other, or split the overseeing of extracurricular activities to avoid conflict.
2. Double up
There are certain things you may wish to share, such as certain ground rules at home that you’d both adopt for the kids. But if not, then you’d have to be ready to allow your children to adapt to different rules at different houses. You may also consider having two sets of uniforms or school supplies, so there’s no fighting over transferring them between homes.
3. Non-contact communication
Keep a “communication book” to log your kid’s daily routines, activities, and important appointments. This written record helps reduce conflicts when direct communication is needed.
The key? Keep contact business-like and kid-focused.
Reach out to Jocelyn Tsao of Withers to learn more about custody, care, and control.
This post is in partnership with Withers.
