Many tools and resources are available for those struggling with their mental health, and everyone’s journey is different. Here’s my personal experience on the medication rollercoaster.
Mental health issues have long been a hot topic as millions grapple with them everyday, and most have probably dabbled with different resources in the attempt to find relief. Besides counselling services in Hong Kong, there are avenues for alternative healing such as meditation and sound healing. Another common tool is medication. Its benefits and risks have been debated for decades, with individual experiences varying widely. While taking pills might not be for everyone, my personal journey with trying medication has been ever-changing and eye-opening.
My journey facing mental health with medication
Mental health resources, where art thou?
Growing up in the 2000s and 2010s, topics like mental health and therapy weren’t often breached, whether at home or school. I’ve struggled with mental health issues my whole life, but spent the majority of my youth keeping them hidden, as I didn’t have the tools nor the resources to deal with them properly. Although the landscape of mental health awareness in Hong Kong is vastly different nowadays, it took me leaving for university in the US for me to finally face my demons.
My first year at NYU was exciting, but it was also marred with escalating depression and anxiety. By the end of the school year, my close friend managed to convince me to have a session at the university counselling centre. While I eventually managed to find some relief from sharing my struggles with a kind therapist, a whole life of masking and strategically hiding my feelings still kept me from fully opening up. That being said, the experience did make me realise I needed a change.
I flew back to Hong Kong after I made the decision to take a leave of absence for a semester to focus on my mental health. Seeing a psychiatrist for the first time here was a far cry from what I’d seen in the movies. There was no fancy chaise lounge for me to lay my head, no dim lighting to fuel a monologue about my troubles. It was just my doctor and I, sitting in adjacent plastic chairs under unflattering fluorescent lights. Despite everything, this meeting marked a new chapter in my life – one where I was willing to finally tackle what was going on in my head.
Are you there, Paxil? It’s me, Min Ji
Eventually, after a few sessions with a psychiatrist, I was put on track for therapy and medication. Although I was also incorrectly diagnosed with a disorder at the same time, my plan was tailored to deal with depression and anxiety – two things that were, by that point, fused into my very existence.
I began taking the antidepressant Paxil, as well as an additional mood stabiliser. While taking medication isn’t for everyone and certainly not a one-stop shop to fix all of your problems, my initial foray into these little pink pills made a big impact on my life. For the first time ever, I felt that my daily life wasn’t dictated by my depression.
Therapy at the time wasn’t quite the right fit, but I was too timid to ask for a change (a bad choice in hindsight, really, because therapy should be working for you!), so my meds were doing most of the grunt work. Looking back, ideally medication and therapy should’ve been working for me hand-in-hand. Over time I’ve realised that while meds help with pulling me out of the weeds, I still need therapy to make continuous progress and healthily process my emotions.
However, when I first returned to uni, whatever chemical impact the medication was having on me was definitely working. That first semester back, I got straight As in all my classes and I was leaving my apartment regularly to socialise. While it wasn’t quite Sex in the City but rather Socially Awkward in the City, I thought things were going pretty well. However, I was soon given a smack in the face.
Ain’t no mountain high enough… to keep medication working
Before I knew it, I was beginning to plateau in my mental health progress and unfortunately, for the rest of my university career, that plateau turned into a steep drop. While still going to therapy (sporadically, based on when I could bring myself to leave the apartment), I started to have frequent depressive episodes. At that point, I’d so surrendered to my poor mental health that I didn’t have the will to seek changes to my medication and treatment plan, creating a futile, vicious cycle.
Looking at the “big picture” of life, I could probably view this period as just a momentary setback. But, the reality was I was struggling to live through each day during that time. And it wasn’t until an earth-rocking event that I started taking agency in my well-being. I soon found a proper diagnosis that suddenly made my world make a little more sense. I began experimenting with medication with the help of a psychiatrist, and tried to build an effective mental health support network. But like everyone else in 2020, life hunkered down due to Covid, and things changed once again when I was back in Hong Kong.
Mental health is a rollin’ stone
Fast-forward to 2023, I now have a trusted therapist, reliable psychiatrist, and a steady support system. Nevertheless, I continue to struggle with depression and anxiety, and I don’t see a future where they’ll ever be truly out of my life. But that’s okay – I have tools that help keep me going and although I’ll have more setbacks to come, I know I’ll always have something (or someone) to turn to.
Within just three years, I’ve had many challenges and adjustments with medication. I’ve bid farewell to Paxil and had a go at Abilify and Wellbutrin. I’d thought my biggest struggles with meds had been behind me, but ended up diving headfirst into a depressive episode when I tried cutting out a pill. While I wouldn’t wish these experiences on my worst enemy, they opened my eyes to the fact that medication is a vital part of my mental health journey.
After getting a glimpse into what life might look like without proper medication, I’d definitely say I made the right choice when I started taking antidepressants. On the other side, I have friends who’ve decided to forego medication, and others that are trying to wean it off. At this point, I believe my meds are as important as therapy for my well-being. I’m not ashamed to admit that I might be taking antidepressants well into my future. Mental health is an ever-evolving personal journey, and your resources should also be changing to fit your needs. Don’t be afraid to ask for help and try whatever you need to improve your life!
