We let you in on the secrets to smashing sex with tips on movement, touch, breath, and more.
As a relationship counsellor and clinical sexologist, I’m often asked about how to have bigger, stronger, longer, and more consistent orgasms – aka mind-blowing sex. Pleasure and orgasm are essential components of a healthy sex life. May is Masturbation Month (in the US, at least), and it’s a great opportunity to have honest conversations and create a more open and accepting culture around sex and sexuality.
All of us can learn to tap into our body’s natural ability to experience pleasure that takes our breath away. I’ve got the keys; you just need to unlock it for yourself. I’m talking about the power of pelvic floor squeezes, breath, sound, movement, touch, and intention to improve your orgasmic potential. These tools can be used to help you achieve greater connection and satisfaction in your intimate life.
6 practical ways to elevate sexual pleasure
1. Intention sets the tone in the bedroom
It can be a powerful tool to create a meaningful, intimate connection with your partner. Intention allows you to be present in the moment, to be mindful of your partner’s needs and desires, and to create a safe space to explore and express yourselves.
When you bring intention into your sexual experiences, it helps to deepen the connection between you and your partner. You’ll focus on the physical sensations and emotional feelings that arise during sex, rather than just the physical act itself. This creates an atmosphere of trust, respect, and mutual pleasure. When you set an intention before engaging in sex, it brings clarity to the experience, ensures both partners are on the same page, and helps you communicate your boundaries and needs in a respectful manner.
2. Pelvic floor squeezes increase pleasure and connection during sex
By squeezing your pelvic floor muscles, you’ll increase arousal and sensation, allowing for more intense orgasms. It can also create a sense of intimacy between partners and help you explore different sensations.
Find your pelvic floor by sitting or standing with your feet hip-width apart and imagine you’re trying to stop the flow of urine. To do pelvic floor squeezes, contract the same muscles and hold for five to 10 seconds before releasing. Experiment with these squeezes during sex as you become more familiar with them, and notice how different you feel!
3. Relaxing versus charging breathing
When we breathe deeply, we allow our bodies to relax and open up to the sensations of pleasure. It helps to release tension in the body, allowing us to move into more pleasurable states. By focusing on our breath during sexual activity, we create a deeper connection with ourselves and our partners.
When we breathe in an excited way (aka charging) such as panting, our bodies respond by releasing hormones and neurotransmitters that trigger sexual arousal. Panting causes us to take in more oxygen, which increases our heart rate and blood flow to the brain and other parts of the body. This results in the release of endorphins, dopamine, and other hormones that boost feelings of pleasure and arousal. The sound can also be a turn-on for some people. Experiment with the possibilities of your breath: breathing in relaxing or excited ways regulates your body and can lead to a better orgasm experience.
4. Sounds can move energy in our bodies
Making noise during sex helps us stay present and express our desires. It enables us to connect with our partners on a deeper level too. We can use sound to communicate what we’re feeling, explore different types of pleasure, and express our desires and feelings in a way that’s intimate and empowering. This also helps us focus on the sensations of pleasure. You’ll connect with your partner in a more meaningful way.
5. Movement during sex is beautiful and beneficial for both partners
It creates an intimate connection between the both of you and provides a physical and emotional release. When partners move together, it fosters a sense of unity and trust as you explore each other’s bodies. By changing positions and angles, you’ll experience new and exciting sensations. That stimulates many parts of the body for a more varied and enjoyable experience. Of course, movement also keeps things interesting!
6. Touch in different ways to create a more pleasurable experience
Our intention guides our hands during sex in many ways. When we’re intentional about our touch, it builds a deeper connection. To create different effects, try exploring diverse types of touch. Caressing, stroking, massaging, tickling, and scratching can give you all kinds of sensations. Tip: explore different areas of the body, such as the face, neck, back, and inner thighs.
Experiment with switching up your speed and pressure too. This can awaken parts of your body that may have been neglected in the past. Becoming comfortable with touching during sex and learning to love it can help you feel more relaxed and connected to your partner.
The power of breath, sound, movement, touch, intention and pelvic floor squeezes to improve pleasure is undeniable. When done together, these techniques produce a more intimate sexual experience. Want to know more? My second book, Orgasmic Yoga, covers all this in greater detail. But, remember that everyone is different and it may take some time to find the things that work best for you.
With practice and patience, you can absolutely improve your sex life and create a deeper connection with yourself and your partner that’ll lead to more satisfying sexual experiences.