Life after cancer isn’t easy - for survivors or their loved ones. Let’s talk about moving on and finding a new normal.
You may think that your final cancer treatment is the end of the struggle. But for many survivors, it’s actually the beginning of a new and complex emotional journey. As a cancer coach and survivor myself, I can attest to that. Cancer treatment can be exhausting, painful, and stressful. But, it also provides a sense of security and support from the medical team and the routine of appointments and tests. After treatment, you may struggle to adjust and end up feeling more vulnerable and alone.
While your loved ones, friends, and healthcare team are ready to celebrate your victory over cancer, you may wonder how to go back to “normal” after this life-changing journey. Does normal even exist for you anymore? Feelings of isolation, being misunderstood, having self-doubt, low self-confidence, and a fear of cancer recurrence are some of the challenges commonly faced by cancer survivors.
Tips for cancer survivors transitioning to a new normal
1. Be patient
Recognise that you’ve been through a lot and you need time to heal. Recovery is not a linear process, so you may experience ups and downs along the way. Don’t pressure yourself to return immediately to your normal life or to feel happy all the time. Give yourself permission to take things at your own pace.
2. Be expressive
Don’t blame yourself or feel guilty for having negative emotions. Find ways to express your feelings. You can write in a journal, talk to a friend, join a support group, or seek professional support. You can also use creative outlets such as art, music, or dance to channel your emotions.
3. Be honest
Avoid hiding or lying about your emotions. Instead, be honest with yourself and others about how you feel. You don’t have to share everything with everyone, but you should be able to trust at least one person who can listen and empathise with you.
4. Be clear in identifying your needs
Reflect on what you’re feeling, what you’re missing, and what would make you feel better. You may have different needs than before. You may need more rest, more social support, more information, more fun, or more peace. Whatever it is, identify it and pursue it.
5. Be specific when asking for help
Sometimes, people may not understand what you’re going through or how they can support you. To make it easier, be clear and specific when you request help. Instead of saying, “I need help”, you can say, “I need someone to drive me to my doctor’s appointment” or “I need someone to listen to me without giving advice”. This way, you can communicate your needs effectively, get the assistance you desire, and prevent frustration or disappointment on both sides.
6. Be connected
Find your (new) tribe. Everyone has different needs. Some desire to be in a community that has been through a similar experience. Meanwhile, others prefer to connect with people who have nothing to do with cancer so they can focus on other aspects of life by engaging in new hobbies or activities. There’s no right or wrong way to seek connection; just follow your intuition and do what feels good for you.
7. Be mindful
Don’t compare yourself to others or the person you were before diagnosis – this can lead to discouragement and frustration. Focus on how far you’ve come and how you can continue to progress.
Self-care is vital for cancer survivors
Self-care means taking care of your physical, mental, and emotional health. It means listening to your body and your feelings, and doing what makes you feel good.
For example, you need adequate sleep and rest to help your body recover and boost your immune system. Drink plenty of water to stay hydrated and flush out toxins. Exercise regularly to improve your blood circulation, muscle strength, bone density, mood, and energy levels. Don’t forget to eat a balanced diet that includes plenty of vegetables, protein, and healthy fats.
You can also practise relaxation techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, yoga, tai chi, or massage. Alternatively, engage in hobbies and activities that bring you joy and fulfilment.
Self-care isn’t selfish or indulgent. It’s essential for your well-being and recovery. By putting yourself first, you’re honouring your body and your life.
How can we support a loved one on their cancer journey?
Cancer is a challenging and stressful experience – not only for the patient but also for their family and friends. If you know of someone who’s going through cancer treatments or has survived a battle with cancer, you might be unsure how to help. The key is to be there for them so that they feel loved and cared for.
One of the most important things you can do is to listen to them with empathy. That means no judging, interrupting, or offering unsolicited advice. Simply let them express themselves and vent their emotions, and show that you care and respect them.
Bear in mind that not everybody feels comfortable sharing every detail of their cancer journey, so avoid asking intrusive questions. Let them decide how much they want to share and respect their boundaries. If they want to talk about their illness, they’ll let you know. Don’t push them or make them feel guilty.
In conversation, use supportive communication like, “I hear you”, “What makes you feel supported?”, or “I’m listening if you want to talk”. Avoid saying things such as, “It could be worse”, “You’ll get over it”, or “Everything happens for a reason”. These phrases might sound dismissive or insensitive to them.
You can also use non-verbal communication. A tap on the shoulder, hand-holding, or a hug (but ask for permission first) can be more comforting than a thousand words. It’s proven that hugging boosts oxytocin, a “feel good” hormone, and helps soothe negative feelings.
If you’re feeling helpless, offer them specific and practical assistance. Instead of saying, “Tell me if you need anything”, you can ask, “Is there anything you need right now?”, “I’m free at this particular time, can I take you for a walk?”, or “When is your next appointment; do you need a ride to the hospital?” The best way to find out what they need is to ask directly and follow their cues.
Looking forward: Life after cancer
Ultimately, we should treat cancer survivors as normal as possible. Most of them long to feel a sense of normality as their lives have been irrevocably changed. So, don’t act differently or show pity. Instead, try to maintain your usual relationship and activities with them – as long as they’re comfortable. Invite them to join you for fun or relaxing activities like watching a movie, playing games, or going for a walk.
It’s understandable that, as a cancer survivor, you face many challenges and difficulties. Sometimes, you may feel overwhelmed or isolated. That’s why asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a sign of courage. It shows that you’re strong enough to acknowledge your limits and needs. You’re also open and willing to learn from others who can support and guide you. So go ahead and live your life; you’ve got this.
