Ever felt uncomfortable keeping the lights on in the bedroom? These useful tips from sexologist, Sara Tang is bound to boost your confidence during sex, from foreplay to all the way.
We all have insecurities, it’s completely natural but sometimes our self-doubts multiply into us overthinking about our bodies. Perhaps it stems from unrealistic standards on love and sex from swipe culture and social media, or the underlying toxic masculinity in our society. To help cope with this, sexologist Sara Tang shares five tips to boost self-confidence during sex. Once you’re done reading, you might want to pop on some sexy lingerie to spice things up.
Five tips to boost self-confidence in the bedroom from Sara Tang
1. Limit negative self-talk
It’s very important to shift the focus away from how our body looks to how our body feels and gain a greater appreciation of what it can do. A gratitude practice can also help to refocus the attention on the things that we love about our bodies.
Limiting negative self-talk is important. Often, women judge their bodies too harshly, especially when they are in a vulnerable position i.e. when they’re naked having sex. If there’s the opportunity, open a conversation with your lover/partner and ask them what they appreciate most about your body and what parts they find the sexiest. You can take turns to tell your partner the same.
Having this conversation will help you realise that your partner sees your body in a totally different way than you do, and they probably won’t even notice the things that you are insecure about. This may be a source of reassurance to you, and help you view/talk to yourself less harshly.
2. Challenge cultural narrative of masculinity
With men, many physical and emotional insecurities arise from a comparison to other men or to a societal idea of masculinity. There is a common way of thinking: that if you don’t look a certain way or perform a certain way sexually, it is a challenge to your masculinity. For men to become more confident, the first thing to do is question/challenge the cultural narrative of masculinity – and give yourself the permission to not be perfect or chase after this unrealistic ideal.
If you notice yourself getting caught up in performance pressure in the bedroom, focus instead on your body sensations. Breathe deeply and if need be, slow down. Pay attention to how things feel as opposed to how perfect things need to be.
Open up and be more vulnerable about your body image struggles and experiences, and turn to other trusted male friends for support. This can help you realise it’s not something you have to deal with alone.
Masturbation helps you understand your body, your turn-ons, likes, and dislikes better. And the more you know what gives you pleasure, the more you will be able to share this with a partner, which will in turn help to improve sex.
4. Foreplay, foreplay, foreplay
First, pay attention to your partner, check in with them and ask them what they enjoy. This way you’ll be confident that whatever you’re doing is going to feel satisfying and fulfilling to them.
Second, be fully present with your partner and don’t overthink things. The more we feel insecure or our mind gets caught up with anxious thoughts, we disconnect from our partner and the experience of lovemaking.
5. It’s not just about having an orgasm
If the main goal of sex is orgasm, it can create too much performance pressure. Orgasms are wonderful, and if they happen, amazing! But there are also many ways to experience pleasure, connection, and intimacy without orgasms. And the success or reward of any sexual interaction shouldn’t have to depend just on having an orgasm. With sex – it’s about enjoying the journey, not the destination.
Fun Feng Shui Fact
Feng Shui interior designer Thierry Chow has joined forces with sex therapist Sara Tang, to de-stigmatise self-pleasure in Asia by celebrating Feng Shui principles attached to modern-day sex toys and stirring a wider discussion on sex. Using the 5-element feng shui system; Earth, metal, water, wood, and fire coming from Taoism, Thierry wants people to embark on a journey of self-discovery with the help of We-Vibe products by engaging the Feng Shui concept of bridging external and internal energies. And we think that’s pretty cool.