{"id":297919,"date":"2024-07-11T18:31:15","date_gmt":"2024-07-11T10:31:15","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/thehoneycombers.com\/singapore\/?p=297919"},"modified":"2024-07-11T18:31:15","modified_gmt":"2024-07-11T10:31:15","slug":"men-and-mental-health","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thehoneycombers.com\/singapore\/men-and-mental-health\/","title":{"rendered":"The men do get it\u2026 kinda: Let\u2019s tear down those walls and normalise conversations around mental health"},"content":{"rendered":"

I used to think I had the answers to everything. Want to lose weight and feel great? Try intermittent fasting and hit the gym<\/a>, which has worked wonders for me. Suffering from random acne breakouts<\/a>? Hydrate<\/a>, hydrate, hydrate. Oh, and pimple patches \u2013 they\u2019re such nifty little lifesavers. No problem is unsolvable for me\u2026 at least, that\u2019s what I thought.<\/p>\n

But now I know that life doesn\u2019t always go my way. I didn\u2019t realise my mental health could take a toll on my well-being until two separate incidents. The first episode occurred during my previous employment, where I became severely burned out (that\u2019s a story for another time). The next one happened during the pandemic. My mental health went through the wringer, and it felt like hell on Earth. I\u2019m positive everyone had a similar experience during that period. That whole sh*tshow made me sit down and reflect: am I not as mentally strong as I thought myself to be?<\/p>\n

Since Covid-19\u2019s reign of terror, mental health has taken centre stage in today\u2019s conversations. Go online and you\u2019ll find plenty of articles about the topic, from the educational to the controversial. Qualified practitioners<\/a> share their findings and recommendations on podcasts and panel discussions, while social media is inundated with mental health accounts<\/a> and posts about burning out, depression, and other afflictions. This is great, but I noticed it\u2019s largely the women leading this initiative. Men, why aren\u2019t we speaking up more about mental health?<\/p>\n

\u201cA true man bleeds but doesn\u2019t cry\u201d<\/h3>\n
\"Men
Photography: Amin Moshrefi via Unsplash<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

It\u2019s fair to assume most men aren\u2019t open about discussing their mental health issues. For many generations, we\u2019re taught to \u201chold it together\u201d because males are supposed to be emotionally resilient. My father<\/a> is like this; whether he realised it or not, he passed down the same mindset to me. My emotional walls are so high they rival China’s Great Wall. For a long time, I struggled to be vulnerable to my loved ones for fear of being seen as weak. Openly talking about my mental health to a stranger? That was never on my bingo card.<\/p>\n

Dr Adrian Toh, a clinical psychologist and president of the Singapore Psychological Society<\/a>, says, \u201cThere\u2019s a Chinese saying that translates to, \u2018A true man bleeds but does not cry.\u2019 This expression emphasises the traditional values of masculinity, suggesting that a real man should be tough and resilient, enduring pain and hardship without showing emotional weakness through tears.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201c\u200b\u200bMen generally prefer to deal with their problems independently and are often more hesitant to seek help from non-formal sources such as family and friends. They\u2019re also not as expressive: many are uncomfortable verbalising emotional and mental health problems,\u201d Dr Mythily Subramaniam, assistant chairman of the medical board (research) at the Institute of Mental Health<\/a>, reasons.<\/p>\n

Well, men, if we\u2019re not talking about our mental health to anyone, how are we handling it? If I\u2019m being honest\u2026 it\u2019s not looking good. Miranda Ledesma, a psychotherapist and trauma therapist, reckons the state of men\u2019s mental health in Singapore is in decline, noting the alarming increase in deaths caused by suicide among males. In 2018 alone, for every 10 suicides in Singapore, at least seven were men. \u201cEach age and stage of life comes with its own stressors,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s obvious the old-fashioned \u201cholding it together\u201d mindset is no longer sustainable. So how do we challenge this notion and learn to heal when men still face significant stigma, barriers, and misconceptions about seeking help?<\/p>\n

The rest is silence<\/h3>\n
\"Men
Photography: cottonbro studio via Pexels<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Someone once said, \u201cWith age comes wisdom.\u201d When I was younger, I\u2019d compartmentalise my emotions \u2013 the scarier or more vulnerable they were, the deeper I hid them within me. However, the mound under the rug grew too noticeable over time for me to keep sweeping everything underneath it. I thought I was being smart; instead, I realised I was stunting myself emotionally by not talking about anything. It eventually came to a head when I had one too many arguments with my former partner, and my suppressed feelings erupted like the volcanoes in Iceland.<\/p>\n

Throughout 2020 and beyond, I resolved to seek professional help so that I could unravel and detangle my internal mess; until now, it\u2019s all just lip service. I\u2019ve yet to set an appointment and go for counselling. I often think I\u2019m on top of everything and can handle it myself; deep down, I know I\u2019m delaying the inevitable.<\/p>\n

Am I worried about the prejudice associated with going to therapy<\/a>? Not really, though I understand if other men have those concerns. \u201cCultural stigma remains a major barrier. Many men worry about what others might think and how seeking help could impact their careers. This internalised stigma delays treatment,\u201d Dr Toh explains.<\/p>\n

Miranda adds, \u201cTherapy can be expensive, and even though many have access to insurance or employee assistance programmes, some express concerns about confidentiality.\u201d<\/p>\n

There\u2019s also scepticism surrounding psychotherapy or counselling sessions: how do they look and feel, and are they even effective? Despite frequent depictions in media, certainty remains elusive. That\u2019s why many men hold back from going to therapy, fearing it won’t help or they\u2019ll feel uncomfortable.<\/p>\n

Better late than never<\/h3>\n
\"Men
Photography: Freepik<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Women may be front and centre in the mental health sphere today, but that doesn\u2019t mean men are lagging. In fact, more of us are speaking up and breaking the silence that\u2019s typically associated with masculinity. Influential figures like Tom Holland, Dwayne \u201cThe Rock\u201d Johnson, and even Prince Harry have shared their stories, helping to dismantle the stigma and encouraging others to seek help.<\/p>\n

In Singapore, well-known local male personalities such as Adrian Pang, Benjamin Kheng, and Leon Markcus have opened up about their struggles. There\u2019s also Ron Yap of @mentalhealthceo<\/a>, an Instagram account sharing mental health content that took off during the pandemic. Support groups and communities such as The Brothers Circle<\/a> and Singapore Male Allyship Network<\/a> provide a much-needed platform for men to share their experiences and seek support too.<\/p>\n

\u201cI believe community is key for improved mental health. For more positive and inclusive communities for men to thrive in Singapore, they must feel safe. Trust, confidentiality, and respect must be present,\u201d Miranda says.<\/p>\n

All these efforts are greatly appreciated, but admittedly, I don\u2019t discuss my mental health enough with my friends. So, we still have some ways to go in normalising these conversations.<\/p>\n

\u201cCampaigns should [continue highlighting] stories of men who seek help for mental health issues, framing it as a courageous and proactive step,\u201d Dr Toh notes. Meanwhile, Dr Mythily suggests having more representation of men recovering after a mental illness episode. \u201cIt\u2019ll be good to have more people talk about their path to recovery.\u201d<\/p>\n

I\u2019m a work in progress<\/h3>\n
\"Men
Photography: Nathan McDine via Unsplash<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Therapy? I never knew her. But post-pandemic, I\u2019ve been thinking a lot more about it. So what\u2019s holding me back? It\u2019s not that I\u2019m afraid to be vulnerable \u2013 I\u2019d like to think I\u2019ve done some work on that aspect and gotten to a point where I\u2019m comfortable with it. Truthfully, it\u2019s more about hauling my butt off, finding a suitable therapist, and starting to attend sessions.<\/p>\n

Miranda knows what I\u2019m talking about. \u201cFinding [a therapist] who\u2019s a good fit can feel intimidating. Some offer a brief call to potential clients as a first step before beginning sessions. This is to see if it\u2019d be a good fit. Not all professionals offer this, but it doesn\u2019t hurt to ask,\u201d she advises.<\/p>\n

Eventually, I\u2019ll get myself into therapy \u2013 it\u2019s only a matter of when. In the meantime, I\u2019ll continue learning about mental health struggles and recognise that it\u2019s okay to feel the way I do. Seeking help is not a sign of weakness but a strength that should be championed among men.<\/p>\n

\u201cEducating yourself about mental health can help you better understand what you might be experiencing. This knowledge can empower you to take proactive steps towards managing your mental health,\u201d Dr Toh tells me.<\/p>\n

The journey toward better mental health is ongoing, but every conversation, shared story, and step toward seeking help is a victory. By embracing vulnerability and seeking support, we can pave the way for a future where discussing mental health is as normal as talking about physical health. So let\u2019s continue to break the silence, challenge the stigma, and show others that true strength lies in our ability to heal and grow.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I used to think I had the answers to everything. Want to lose weight and feel great? Try intermittent fasting and hit the gym, which has worked wonders for me. Suffering from random acne breakouts? Hydrate, hydrate, hydrate. Oh, and pimple patches \u2013 they\u2019re such nifty little lifesavers. No problem is unsolvable for me\u2026 at […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":107587,"featured_media":297924,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false},"categories":[25084],"tags":[80653],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nOpinion: Men shouldn\u2019t be afraid to talk about their mental health<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"What\u2019s holding men back from being vocal about their mental health struggles? 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