{"id":280660,"date":"2023-09-12T15:50:23","date_gmt":"2023-09-12T07:50:23","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/thehoneycombers.com\/singapore\/?p=280660"},"modified":"2024-12-11T11:32:01","modified_gmt":"2024-12-11T03:32:01","slug":"goddess-dahlia-professional-dominatrix-singapore","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thehoneycombers.com\/singapore\/goddess-dahlia-professional-dominatrix-singapore\/","title":{"rendered":"Beyond the 9 to 5: A professional dominatrix in Singapore lifts the veil on kinks and misconceptions about the profession"},"content":{"rendered":"

In a city known for its cultural heritage<\/a> and squeaky clean image<\/a>, there lies an unspoken world where individuals venture into realms of desire and subjugation. Behind closed doors, they\u2019re free to explore their sexuality without judgment. We\u2019re talking about Singapore\u2019s kink community, which has gained more recognition thanks to recent mainstream media and folks becoming more confident about their sexuality and identity.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s not every day you get to talk to a professional dominatrix \u2013 especially one based in Singapore. So, as part of our Beyond the 9 to 5 series, where we explore unique jobs in Singapore, I chat with Goddess Dahlia<\/a>, who\u2019s been in this lifestyle for over a decade. Believed to be the only plus-sized dominatrix in Singapore, her kinks speciality leans towards the sadistic and pain-centric spectrum.<\/p>\n

Dahlia (she prefers to go by her professional name) was already into the kink lifestyle before this. Only during the Covid-19 pandemic did she finally realise her displeasure with corporate life. With guidance from Mistress Lain, a retired dominatrix in Singapore who also happens to be Dahlia\u2019s close friend, she transitioned into her new role. \u201cThis profession chose me,\u201d the domme says.<\/p>\n

Unsurprisingly, people are shocked when they learn about her occupation. \u201cSome still don\u2019t know that it\u2019s an actual profession or that there\u2019s a kink community in Singapore. Once in a while, people assume I\u2019m an escort, which I\u2019m far from,\u201d she tells me.<\/p>\n

Before you get kinky with it\u2026<\/h3>\n
\"Dominatrix
Photography: Goddess Dahlia<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Kinks and fetishes are still often misunderstood, no thanks to their portrayal in mainstream media. This can severely harm the community. \u201cFrankly, we aren\u2019t a circus show for society,\u201d Dahlia says. \u201cWe just take steps to explore our sexuality more than others, and with that, we learn to respect other\u2019s preferences, even if it\u2019s something we aren\u2019t comfortable personally exploring ourselves.\u201d Fortunately, the community is well-built with resources for consent and safety, and emphasises heavily on mutual respect and inclusivity for everyone.<\/p>\n

According to the pro-domme, some kinks and fetishes are more high-risk than others, and people\u2019s physical and mental thresholds differ. She shares six tips for anyone entering the world of kink:<\/p>\n

    \n
  • Ensure that whatever you\u2019re exploring is mutually consensual and that you\u2019re not being falsely persuaded into it.<\/li>\n
  • Safewords should be in place. The most universally understood safewords are the traffic light system: \u201cgreen\u201d to increase intensity, \u201cyellow\u201d to slow down, and \u201cred\u201d to stop.<\/li>\n
  • Negotiate your limits clearly beforehand, and don\u2019t renegotiate during the actual act. It blurs the lines of consent.<\/li>\n
  • Kink does not equate to sex. It can involve sex, but don\u2019t ever feel forced into it.<\/li>\n
  • Predators are prevalent everywhere today, so look out for toxic behaviour and gaslighting. If you don\u2019t want such people in your vanilla life, you definitely don\u2019t want them in your kinky life.<\/li>\n
  • Don\u2019t kink-shame. Even if you dip your feet into the kink world and decide it\u2019s not for you, appreciate and respect that it\u2019s simply a difference of preference.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

    Kink: A journey of self-healing<\/h3>\n
    \"Dominatrix
    Photography: Goddess Dahlia<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

    There are many reasons why people seek refuge in kink. Some find it an emotional release or a safe space to explore a fantasy; others simply want to have fun. \u201cMost of my clients find peace in being submissive,\u201d Dahlia states. \u201cLife is hard enough. Domming or subbing can be a way we find and express our deepest and most truthful selves, and that\u2019s hugely empowering.\u201d<\/p>\n

    Dahlia wants to point out that she firmly believes submissives and switches are braver than dominants because of the social stigma surrounding being subservient. \u201cTo know exactly what you want \u2013 to embrace that you wish to relinquish control instead of pretending to be someone else \u2013 that in itself shows strength,\u201d she notes.<\/p>\n

    During debriefs with her clients, she often hears about their lives, frustrations, and past experiences. \u201cKink can be therapeutic. It can open up a part of you that hasn\u2019t been able to heal. I treat my professional sessions as a form of release and zen space. Ultimately, it\u2019s not professional therapy,” she highlights. \u201cKink is not a substitute, but it can be an enriching addition to your lifestyle.\u201d<\/p>\n

    I ask if there comes a point where trying out kinks becomes too much of an obsession or compulsion. Dahlia acknowledges that there\u2019ll always be those who \u201cgo off tangent\u201d. She refers to it as SM poisoning or sub frenzy, where someone behaves to the extreme to fulfil their obsession until they can\u2019t function in daily life or start to ignore boundaries. It\u2019s her job to draw the line before things get out of hand.<\/p>\n

    Speaking of drawing the line, some kinks and acts are strictly off-limits for Dahlia. She doesn\u2019t have sex with her clients nor allows them to touch her above the knees. \u201cI simply state what I\u2019m uncomfortable with because it\u2019s my space, my rules. If they can\u2019t respect it at any point, I\u2019ll remove them for my safety.\u201d<\/p>\n

    She adds: \u201cAs a professional, I have to state the [rules] very clearly and leave no room for misunderstanding because there can be undesirable clients that will try their luck.\u201d There\u2019s zero negotiation, and anything that infringes on it violates her consent.<\/p>\n

    The importance of post-session aftercare<\/h3>\n
    \"Dominatrix
    Photography: Goddess Dahlia<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

    While people wonder about what goes on in a session, I\u2019m more curious about what happens afterwards. Dahlia says submissives may experience emotional drops, which is expected as her sessions can get very intense. In fact, there are instances where her clients break down in tears, faint or experience panic attacks.<\/p>\n

    \u201cIt\u2019s part of my aftercare to ensure clients are physically, mentally, and emotionally stable when leaving my space. I do a mandatory debrief after each session to discuss what happened during it, and even in the days after, I may check in on their well-being,\u201d she tells me.<\/p>\n

    It\u2019s not just the subs that have emotional drops \u2013 dommes experience them too, which is why Dahlia\u2019s partner, Pet (they have an owner-pet relationship), is present in most sessions. Afterwards, Pet prepares a bath for Dahlia to soak in.<\/p>\n

    Dahlia elaborates: \u201cI\u2019m in control when dominating, which means being fully responsible for everything and everyone. Even though there\u2019s always a line between the client and me, there are moments when their emotions latch onto me. It isn\u2019t easy \u2013 it can take a lot out of me \u2013 and if the day is rough, I sit in the bath alone to decompress and cry it out.\u201d<\/p>\n

    I can honestly say this is the part most people aren\u2019t aware of. The kinkiness and intense sessions can cause physical and mental exhaustion, and we don\u2019t think about how they recuperate from that. I appreciate Dahlia\u2019s candour as she offers a glimpse into her aftercare for her clients \u2013 it showcases a humane side to the profession we barely know about.<\/p>\n

    Misconceptions of a dominatrix in Singapore<\/h3>\n
    \"Dominatrix
    Photography: Goddess Dahlia<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

    Is it difficult being a pro-domme? Rather than immediately listing the cons, Dahlia succinctly declares her life has improved. \u201cI have a more flexible schedule for my loved ones; I also get to travel and discover fellow kink communities abroad,\u201d she explains.<\/p>\n

    Regardless, the occupation is not a bed of roses. Dahlia tells me she\u2019s been recognised in public, though it doesn\u2019t happen often. She recalls a stranger following her while on public transport before finally approaching her and bowing; another time, a driver texted her three months after the ride, asking to meet and sending her address back to her. \u201cPeople think it\u2019s funny, but I dislike attention in my daily life,\u201d she sighs.<\/p>\n

    That\u2019s not to say Dahlia\u2019s encounters have all been unpleasant. Once, a taxi driver sheepishly asked if she was a dominatrix because he noticed her canes. \u201cAfter I said yes, he made sure not to make me uncomfortable and was never intrusive. He even helped me with my luggage and wished me a good day before leaving,\u201d she shares.<\/p>\n

    Being a dominatrix in Singapore also comes with misconceptions, as you would\u2019ve guessed. I wanted to know if anything irks her the most and what myths she wants to dispel about the job.<\/p>\n

    \u201cPeople often assume this profession is \u2018easy money\u2019 and that it\u2019s so simple to whip out a cane and beat someone. However, nothing about it is mindless,\u201d she says. Dahlia\u2019s days are spent replying to enquiries, planning overseas trips, doing photoshoots, and enhancing her skills and knowledge. It frequently ends with her having her first proper meal at 2am \u2013 that\u2019s how busy she is.<\/p>\n

    Besides the physical domination, there\u2019s also the mental aspect, which doesn\u2019t require any accessories or physical restraints. Sometimes, the domme doesn\u2019t have to be physically there to exert control over the sub.<\/p>\n

    Dahlia elaborates: \u201cThe minute that client walks into the room, I need to know exactly what kind of submissive [they are]. It\u2019s easy to make someone bleed, but how do you bring someone to their knees without lifting a finger? Mental domination supersedes every other aspect.\u201d<\/p>\n

    Being her true self without apology<\/h3>\n
    \"Dominatrix
    Photography: Goddess Dahlia<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

    As we wrap up our interview, I wonder whether Dahlia has ever questioned her decision to be a dominatrix, particularly in a country like Singapore. While she\u2019s never doubted her choice, Dahlia has pondered on the negative comments about her profession. However, those are just passing thoughts.<\/p>\n

    \u201cDoes it really matter? Do I really have time to care about what people think?\u201d she muses. \u201cIf I were to die today, my family would know I love them, my pets would be well taken care of, and I’d have spent my days doing something I absolutely love. I’d have lived the most genuine version of myself and had the flexibility to focus on animal rescue and other passions. That\u2019s what truly matters.\u201d<\/p>\n

    I nod in agreement. As long as we believe in what we\u2019re doing, it doesn\u2019t harm others, and boundaries are not breached, everything else \u2013 especially the negativity \u2013 is just water off our backs. That\u2019s all there is to it.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    In a city known for its cultural heritage and squeaky clean image, there lies an unspoken world where individuals venture into realms of desire and subjugation. Behind closed doors, they\u2019re free to explore their sexuality without judgment. We\u2019re talking about Singapore\u2019s kink community, which has gained more recognition thanks to recent mainstream media and folks […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":107587,"featured_media":280670,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[145645],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nDemystifying kinks with a dominatrix in Singapore | Honeycombers<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"What do you know about kink? 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