{"id":273461,"date":"2023-05-05T11:10:21","date_gmt":"2023-05-05T03:10:21","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/thehoneycombers.com\/singapore\/?p=273461"},"modified":"2024-12-11T16:50:12","modified_gmt":"2024-12-11T08:50:12","slug":"can-you-stay-friends-with-your-ex","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thehoneycombers.com\/singapore\/can-you-stay-friends-with-your-ex\/","title":{"rendered":"The ex-factor: Is it possible to remain friends with your former flame?"},"content":{"rendered":"

A Canadian-Portuguese poet<\/a> once wistfully said: Flames to dust, lovers to friends, why do all good things come to an end? For the longest time, the end of a relationship<\/a> meant \u201cso long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, goodbye\u201d. But if love\u2019s an open door, must it remain closed after the love has gone? I\u2019d like to think that it\u2019s possible to remain friends with your exes, though I\u2019m probably in the minority\u2026<\/p>\n

The story of us<\/h3>\n
\"Can
Photography: Korney Violin via Unsplash<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

I might not be the best person to talk about this. See, I haven\u2019t been in a lot of relationships. And even after breaking up, I\u2019m still able to maintain good standing with my exes. So my answer would be in the affirmative. That\u2019s until recently when my latest ex stopped responding to my texts. What sparked the change? Before this, we were friendly to each other. They\u2019d send me funny videos and memes, and I\u2019d drop a random text about celebrity goss or spilling some tea. I know we’re cool<\/a>. Or so I thought. Now I\u2019m standing alone in a crowded room and we\u2019re not speaking\u2026<\/p>\n

To be fair, this isn’t the first time that\u2019s happened. The other ex \u2013 the one before this \u2013 also ghosted<\/a> me after being on talking terms for some time. I was confident it wasn\u2019t me. But now, after a two for two? I\u2019m having second thoughts. So, being the curious cat I am (meow), I decided to slink around and find out if it\u2019s possible to remain friends with an ex. Perhaps whatever I\u2019ve gathered might change my perspective too.<\/p>\n

We are never ever ever getting back together<\/h3>\n
\"Can
Photography: Cottonbro Studio via Pexels<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

When I first pitched this article and the reason behind it, I got a couple of \u201coh nos\u201d (empathically, not in a shady manner). \u201cI think it\u2019s hard to stay friends,\u201d Ashe, my fellow writer, said. I\u2019m unsure if I\u2019m being optimistic or naive, but either way, I refused to believe \u2013 and accept \u2013 it. Such stubbornness!<\/p>\n

My trip down the rabbit hole started with the easiest task: a quick search on Dr Google. The result spewed numerous articles, ranging from the how-tos and when to stay friends with your ex to the why. Some think pieces date all the way back to 2012! Clearly, this is a tale as old as time.<\/p>\n

According to a Forbes article<\/a>, a psychologist suggests asking yourself three things before choosing to remain friends with a former lover. Meanwhile, Vox<\/a> lists a plan to prep you, in case you decide to continue being in your ex\u2019s life (and vice versa). So far, everything looks promising. We\u2019re off to a favourable start.<\/p>\n

Next, I posed the question to people I know. Unsurprisingly, almost everyone responded no. According to my sister, it\u2019s \u201cnot good for your mental, emotional, and physical health\u201d. Financial health is not affected, apparently. Wise words, but I\u2019m still not budging from my stance.<\/p>\n

I decided to go bigger for the sake of this article. Go big or go home, right? So I put the question up on our Instagram<\/a> stories and Telegram channel. The results were neck and neck. 42% on Instagram were split between no and maybe; over on Telegram<\/a>, 41% of voters picked no, while 42% said maybe. While comforted by the \u2018maybe\u2019 votes, I found myself wavering a little bit. Is it me? Am I the drama, looking for unnecessary trouble in my love life?<\/p>\n

Just another picture to burn<\/h3>\n
\"The
The Ex-hibition at Main Street Commissary; Letters to my Ex. Photography: Sufyan Saad<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

My quest for answers led me to Main Street Commissary<\/a>, a quaint cafe and curatorial art space in Jalan Besar<\/a>. It was running The Ex-hibition<\/a>, in collaboration with Sincerely, Singles<\/a>, showcasing themes of love, loss, and longing in its bittersweet nature.<\/p>\n

The first installation that grabbed my attention was a computer setup. \u2018Texts From Exes\u2019 was a digital collection of past messages from exes that were submitted to the organisers. The messages varied, from ones that wished each other well to others that exposed the last fight some former couples were involved in.<\/p>\n

The next display was called \u2018Letters To My Ex\u2019. Cafe-goers were invited to contribute by putting up their old letters or writing a message on the spot. The peg board overflowed with notes. One statement read: \u201cHope you light up someone\u2019s life like the flames of hell.\u201d Yikes.<\/p>\n

\"The
Texts from Exes. Photography: Sufyan Saad<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

At the cafe entrance, I saw two boxes where everyone could dump their mementoes and old memories. Interested parties could sift through and take home anything they fancied. \u201cI wouldn’t take anything, man,\u201d my friend claimed. \u201cSo much bad juju.\u201d<\/p>\n

The Ex-hibition left me amused, but also a little weirded out. It\u2019s like a traffic accident \u2013 you\u2019re told not to look, but you can\u2019t stop yourself. It didn\u2019t help that when I was there, a couple of people were intensely scrutinising everything. Every. Thing. \u201cOh, this was written so well!\u201d \u201cI\u2019m going to steal this idea for myself.\u201d I had to dip out of the place.<\/p>\n

I decided to reach out to the cafe for their thoughts on this perennial issue. \u201cI certainly think you can (remain friends), but whether you should is a whole other discussion,\u201d said Daphne Ling, owner of Main Street Commissary. Well, that\u2019s comforting to hear.<\/p>\n

\"The
Memory Dump. Photography: Sufyan Saad<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Are we out of the woods?<\/h3>\n

My romantic relationships<\/a> have all ended peacefully. There\u2019s no drama involved, apart from the flood of tears. And eventually, we\u2019re able to meet again as friends. It works for me because we got to know each other platonically before becoming romantically involved. It wouldn\u2019t have worked if we didn\u2019t have friendship as our foundation.<\/p>\n

I did consider hitting up my exes and asking them what happened to us, but I stopped myself. We\u2019re not even together<\/em> together anymore; we\u2019re only friends! And if our friendship has run its course, that\u2019s it. You can\u2019t force someone to do something if they\u2019re not up to it.<\/p>\n

Have my thoughts changed? Not really \u2013 I still believe it\u2019s possible to stay friends with your exes. This is the hill I\u2019m willing to die on. But, as Daphne mentioned, whether you should is another thing altogether. If things ended on a sour note or red flags like abuse were part of the equation, remaining friends is out of the question.<\/p>\n

At the end of the day, the decision lies with you. If you can make it work without catching feelings again<\/a>, why not?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

A Canadian-Portuguese poet once wistfully said: Flames to dust, lovers to friends, why do all good things come to an end? For the longest time, the end of a relationship meant \u201cso long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, goodbye\u201d. But if love\u2019s an open door, must it remain closed after the love has gone? I\u2019d like to […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":107587,"featured_media":273466,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false},"categories":[25084],"tags":[3407,120526],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nCan (and should) you remain friends with your ex? | Honeycombers<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"They say when one door closes, it should be kept closed. 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