{"id":255764,"date":"2022-07-01T17:15:24","date_gmt":"2022-07-01T09:15:24","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/thehoneycombers.com\/singapore\/?p=255764"},"modified":"2022-07-01T17:15:24","modified_gmt":"2022-07-01T09:15:24","slug":"abortion-stories-in-singapore","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thehoneycombers.com\/singapore\/abortion-stories-in-singapore\/","title":{"rendered":"3 women share their abortion stories in Singapore: Making the choice, carrying the stigma and dealing with the emotional fallout"},"content":{"rendered":"

By now, you would\u2019ve heard about the US Supreme Court\u2019s verdict on 24 June to overturn the 1973 Roe v Wade ruling that recognised women\u2019s right to have an abortion<\/a>. It sparked an uproar in America and reactions of disbelief around the world. We\u2019ve seen Hollywood stars share their abortion stories and, closer to home, I\u2019ve heard plenty of strong opinions on abortions in Singapore<\/a>.<\/p>\n

My body, my choice, my right<\/h3>\n
\"abortion
Photography: Gayatri Malhotra via Unsplash<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

We should have full rights over any decision made concerning our bodies. So the thought that someone, least of all the government, has a say? Frightful. It\u2019s clearly a divisive issue around the world, which made me think about Singapore\u2019s stance on abortion.<\/p>\n

According to the Ministry of Health<\/a>, there were 4,029 abortions done in 2020, but no reasons were stated. In Singapore, there\u2019s no legal age to have an abortion, but you do need to see a doctor and undergo counselling. The rules are slightly different for expats opting to terminate their pregnancy, though. You must reside here for at least four months, be married to a Singapore citizen or hold PR status, or have either spouse hold a valid work permit. However, if it’s a case to save the mother\u2019s life, an abortion would be carried out.<\/p>\n

Apparently, we were also one of the first countries in Asia to legalise abortions in 1969. So I\u2019d say we have pretty progressive rules when it comes to reproductive rights.<\/p>\n

Abortion may be about choosing yourself, but is it selfish?<\/h3>\n

I spoke to three women (all names have been changed) of different races and religions, all of whom have had abortions, to find out their reasons and feelings.<\/p>\n

\"abortion
Photography: Rodnae Productions via Pexels<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Linda is 67, single, and without child. Growing up as one of five children, she saw how hard her parents, aunts and uncles worked to support their families. She describes their lifestyle as living with a \u201ckampong\u201d mentality, where everyone shared what they made for a living. Although she has fond childhood memories, what stuck with her through the years was her mother’s constant fatigue.<\/p>\n

She tells me she \u201cjust [had] no feeling for kids\u201d. And when she got married at 23, her husband didn\u2019t want children either. But, five years into the marriage, she got pregnant even though she was on birth control at the time. Her husband took it as a sign that they were destined to be parents, but Linda\u2019s mind was made up. She didn\u2019t want children and wanted to abort, a decision her now-ex couldn\u2019t support.<\/p>\n

\u201cI wasn\u2019t going to let anyone pressure me into doing something I knew I didn\u2019t want. They all said once you hold the baby you\u2019ll feel different. But what if I didn\u2019t?\u201d<\/p>\n

Nevertheless, after the abortion, she felt lost and depressed. \u201cI didn’t understand why no one understood me or cared about my happiness. My husband knew I didn’t want children, my friends knew, my parents knew,\u201d she says. \u201cYet my mother said if I went through with the abortion, she’d disown me. Which is ironic – you don’t want me, but I don’t want this child.”<\/p>\n

With the help of a few close friends and a lot of personal mental strength, Linda came out on the other side. Now a self-proclaimed \u201cGod\u2019s gift to the children\u201d type of aunt, she has 11 nieces and nephews. For one week every school holiday, she takes them off their parents\u2019 hands.<\/p>\n

\u201cHaving all of them together reminds me of my childhood. Trust me, one week with 11 kids reminds me how happy I am not to have any,\u201d she says. “I’m very strong in my belief: do something because you want to – not to please others. This applies not just to women, but also to men and children. I could\u2019ve had the baby, and my kampong would step up to help, but you shouldn’t have a baby to please people.”<\/p>\n

Facing an abortion vs staying in an abusive marriage<\/h3>\n

Gayle, a 32-year-old mother of one, went through feelings of guilt for not realising earlier she had married the wrong person. \u201cI already had a child when my marriage turned abusive. When I found out I was pregnant again, I knew I couldn\u2019t bring a child into this,\u201d she tells me.<\/p>\n

\"abortion
Photography: Kristina Paukshtite via Pexels<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Ordinarily, she\u2019d have welcomed the thought of having a second child. But she wasn\u2019t in the best place mentally. Unable to leave her abusive marriage, her motherly instincts kicked in for her unborn child. She knew that, until she could get herself and her firstborn into a safe and stable environment, she couldn\u2019t bear bringing another life into the world.<\/p>\n

\u201cI cried the whole way as I was wheeled in. I asked the doctor to be gentle with me. I just couldn\u2019t stop saying sorry,\u201d she reflects. While Gayle says it was the most traumatic thing she\u2019s ever experienced, she believes it was the best decision for everyone involved.<\/p>\n

\u201cMy unborn baby saved not just my life but my daughter\u2019s as well. If I had the child, I know it would\u2019ve been that much more difficult to leave my marriage. My self-esteem and mental health would\u2019ve been beyond repair and I\u2019d be the worst mother to two children who deserve the best version of anyone in their lives,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n

Holding on to faith<\/h3>\n

As for Sarah, a 38-year-old mother of two girls, she\u2019s a strong believer in her faith. Yet at 27, she made a decision that divided her family and saw her losing her friends.<\/p>\n

\"abortion
Photography: Nataliya Vaitkevich via Pexels<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

She and her husband had been trying for almost two years before they found out they were pregnant. However, the happy news soon turned grim. Early on, in their check-ups, they were told the baby wasn\u2019t developing properly and there were issues with the heart.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe never had the \u201cwhat if\u201d talk. It just never crossed our mind we\u2019d have anything other than a healthy child,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n

This was something I personally related to deeply. When my husband and I were trying to get pregnant, we played the \u201cwhat if\u201d game. We both agreed that should the baby require long-term care and couldn\u2019t be provided with the best kind of life, we\u2019d terminate the pregnancy.<\/p>\n

Ultimately, that was the same choice Sarah and her husband made. \u201cMy mother still hasn\u2019t come to terms with it\u2026 [there\u2019s] too much judgement [from others]. But I tell my daughters they have an angel sibling. It\u2019s nothing I\u2019d hide. I\u2019m not ashamed of my choice,\u201d she says. \u201cAlthough we had strong family support who were willing to help out, as parents we wouldn\u2019t be at our best. If I had my first child, I\u2019d probably stop at one and not have my beautiful second and third babies.\u201d<\/p>\n

\"abortion
Photography: Jakob Owens via Unsplash<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

\u201cIn the faith, we always hear: God will not give you more than you can handle; God will provide. I have no doubt he will, but I couldn\u2019t,\u201d she explains, telling me she eventually felt peace with the knowledge her child wouldn\u2019t have to suffer a lifetime of medical treatments.<\/p>\n

Why is abortion still a taboo topic?<\/h3>\n

Even though these three courageous women stepped forward to share their abortion stories, none of them was comfortable enough to show their faces or give their real names. Why didn\u2019t they want to share their full identity? They all agreed that abortion should be talked about more and people need to be educated about the choice, because the stigma is still very much prevalent.<\/p>\n

Sarah is open and honest with her daughters but worries her workplace won\u2019t look kindly on her. Not everyone in Linda\u2019s family is aware of the reason she got a divorce. She fears she may not be able to see her nieces because their parents may think her views are too radical.<\/p>\n

Whatever the case, it\u2019s every woman\u2019s right to know she has choices. And, above all, know that the choice is hers to make.<\/p>\n

If you need more information on abortions in Singapore, visit this guide by Aware<\/a>. The organisation also runs a Women\u2019s Helpline at 1800 777 5555. Babes Pregnancy Crisis Support<\/a> is another non-profit offering support and resources for pregnant teenagers.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

By now, you would\u2019ve heard about the US Supreme Court\u2019s verdict on 24 June to overturn the 1973 Roe v Wade ruling that recognised women\u2019s right to have an abortion. It sparked an uproar in America and reactions of disbelief around the world. We\u2019ve seen Hollywood stars share their abortion stories and, closer to home, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":107525,"featured_media":255776,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false},"categories":[25084],"tags":[134155],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\n3 women share their abortion stories in Singapore | Honeycombers<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"We talk to 3 women in Singapore about their abortion experiences, how they felt, and the support they received from their family and friends.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/thehoneycombers.com\/singapore\/abortion-stories-in-singapore\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_GB\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"3 women share their 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