{"id":250586,"date":"2022-03-21T18:22:07","date_gmt":"2022-03-21T10:22:07","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/thehoneycombers.com\/singapore\/?p=250586"},"modified":"2023-12-14T17:57:12","modified_gmt":"2023-12-14T09:57:12","slug":"aromantic-experiences-singapore","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thehoneycombers.com\/singapore\/aromantic-experiences-singapore\/","title":{"rendered":"\u201cI don\u2019t like you, but let\u2019s date\u201d: The aromantic experiences of a 25-year-old in Singapore"},"content":{"rendered":"

Most of us are familiar with terms used to describe the various romantic and sexual orientations<\/a>. But while you might know their definitions and probably have friends or family members who identify as such, what do you understand about aromanticism? Spoiler alert: it\u2019s not the same as asexuality.<\/p>\n

If you\u2019re not sure, there\u2019s no need to feel bad. The last study on aromanticism way back in 2016 found that only 1% of the world\u2019s population identify as aromantic, so it\u2019s not talked about much. Still, it\u2019s important to shed some light for those who are in the midst of discovering themselves and are feeling, well, just a little different.<\/p>\n

I sit down with 25-year-old Heather Lim (not her real name), who identifies along the aromantic spectrum, to talk about her personal journey as an aromantic in Singapore.<\/p>\n

But first, what exactly is aromanticism?<\/h2>\n
\"Aromantic
Photography: Olya Kobruseva via Pexels<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

To put it simply, if you identify on the extreme end of aromanticism, you don\u2019t experience romantic attraction to other people \u2013 though you can experience sexual attraction. This differs from asexuality in the sense that asexuals can experience romantic attraction minus the sexual attraction. Of course, as with all sexualities, this exists on a spectrum \u2013 meaning that experiences differ from person to person. Aromantic individuals can have the capacity to feel romantic love, but they likely feel it differently than others do.<\/p>\n

How does this work? Theresa Pong, founder and counselling director at The Relationship Room<\/a>, shares that in aromantic relationships<\/a> (where one or both individuals identify as aro) couples can still develop a deep emotional connection.<\/p>\n

\u201cThis is when partners in a relationship are able to connect with each other beyond physical attraction,\u201d she says. \u201cWith the establishment of an emotional connection, they\u2019re able to feel safe with each other, therefore establishing a strong bond that allows them to enjoy emotional and physical intimacy.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIdentifying as an aromantic doesn’t mean you don’t love people, or cannot have love in your heart for other people,\u201d Heather says. \u201cIf love is a continuous spectrum, I think most people see platonic love one one end, and romantic love on the other. If they like someone, their feelings will probably lean closer to the romantic side, and there’s a clear crossover mark. But that’s not how it works for me. In my experience, there’s no clear crossover mark, and the way I experience love \u2013 romantic or platonic \u2013 is fluid along the entire continuum.”<\/p>\n

A moment of realisation<\/h2>\n
\"aromantic
Photography: Anna Shvets via Pexels<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

For Heather, the fact that she experienced romantic attraction differently than others didn\u2019t occur to her until her early days in university. \u201cI attended an all-girls school for most of my life, and even when I was in junior college, most of my classmates were female (as I was in the arts stream) so I didn\u2019t have much interaction with boys until university,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n

The first time she realised she could be aromantic was during a conversation she had with her mother. \u201cWe were talking about my really good male friend and how he\u2019s such a great guy,\u201d she shares. \u201cI told her how fantastic he was, how much I liked him, and how I\u2019d like my future boyfriend to have all his qualities. I even thought we would be great in a relationship together. But when she asked me if I was interested in him, I said no.\u201d<\/p>\n

That was when realisation hit. For most people, that\u2019s the point they start developing romantic feelings for others. However, she felt no spark \u2013 and this was something she consistently experienced with the boys in her life.<\/p>\n

When love is a head thing, not a heart thing<\/h2>\n
\"aromantic
Photography: Dids via Pexels<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

While Heather did date and have a couple of romantic experiences in university, they didn\u2019t come easily. \u201cI don\u2019t feel like I need a romantic relationship, and it\u2019s not something I seek out,\u201d she says. \u201cAs I identify along the aromantic spectrum, unlocking romantic attraction is tough. Most people say that love is a heart thing, but for me, it\u2019s a head thing. I have to think really hard about it.\u201d<\/p>\n

Though she is currently in a happy long-term relationship, she shares that it took quite a bit of time for her to decide if she was really in love with her boyfriend. \u201cWhen someone confesses to me, I feel responsible to give them a proper answer, especially if they\u2019re a good friend. So I go and seek my feelings \u2013 and this can take months for me to figure out.\u201d<\/p>\n

When she guessed her boyfriend, whom she was friends with at the time, might have feelings for her, she had to ask herself some serious questions. \u201cAt that point, we had been chatting for four months. I put my hand on my heart and asked myself if I had feelings for this person. The answer was no,\u201d Heather laughs. \u201cI asked myself if I would feel sad if we stopped talking tomorrow. And the answer was also no. But I did like him as a person, and I enjoyed his company and felt comfortable around him. So I thought I should give myself a chance to see if I could come to love him, since I knew I did have some capacity to feel romantic attraction.\u201d<\/p>\n

Once she decided this, she took him out to a cafe<\/a>, looked him in the eye and said, \u201cI don\u2019t like you, but let\u2019s date.\u201d It took another four months for her to decide she loved him in return.<\/p>\n

Labels can be liberating<\/h2>\n
\"aromantic
Photography: Thiebaud Faix via Pexels<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Sure, some of us may feel that putting a label on our romantic or sexual orientation can be restrictive. But for Heather, finding out she\u2019s aromantic was a liberating experience.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ve been asked why it matters so much to me, but I think labels can be very clarifying. Knowing that I identify along the aromantic spectrum has helped me to find people with common experiences, and explain to others the complex situation that I\u2019m in \u2013 especially if it’s in dealing with a heartfelt confession from a friend,\u201d she says. \u201cBecause they\u2019re important to me, I want them to know I\u2019m not just rejecting them. It\u2019s harder for me and I need the time and space to think.\u201d<\/p>\n

For those currently in the midst of discovering their romantic or sexual orientation, this is what Heather has to share. \u201cIt doesn\u2019t matter if you\u2019re different, just enjoy life and enjoy finding out more about yourself! Have conversations<\/a> with those around you, and know that you don\u2019t need to know everything \u2013 it\u2019s okay to admit you\u2019re unaware.\u201d<\/p>\n

Always remember: aromantic or not, if you meet people who are unkind, find good-hearted souls to surround yourself with!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Most of us are familiar with terms used to describe the various romantic and sexual orientations. But while you might know their definitions and probably have friends or family members who identify as such, what do you understand about aromanticism? Spoiler alert: it\u2019s not the same as asexuality. If you\u2019re not sure, there\u2019s no need […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":107571,"featured_media":250603,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false},"categories":[25084],"tags":[145392],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nWhat it\u2019s like to be aromantic in Singapore: Heather\u2019s story<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Familiar with aromanticism? 25-year-old Heather shares what love is like for her as an individual who identifies on the aromantic spectrum.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/thehoneycombers.com\/singapore\/aromantic-experiences-singapore\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_GB\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"\u201cI don\u2019t like you, but let\u2019s date\u201d: The aromantic experiences of a 25-year-old in Singapore\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Most of us are familiar with terms used to describe the various romantic and sexual orientations. 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