{"id":244904,"date":"2021-11-23T12:00:02","date_gmt":"2021-11-23T04:00:02","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/thehoneycombers.com\/singapore\/?p=244904"},"modified":"2021-11-23T17:55:26","modified_gmt":"2021-11-23T09:55:26","slug":"how-to-talk-about-sex","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thehoneycombers.com\/singapore\/how-to-talk-about-sex\/","title":{"rendered":"Unhappy with your sex life? Here\u2019s how to get what you want in bed, according to a sexologist"},"content":{"rendered":"

Sex<\/a> can be a difficult, sensitive or taboo subject because we\u2019ve witnessed so little real-life positive modelling around it. But we can develop confidence around sexual communication when we know how to approach it and we practise it often enough for it to become a skill. That\u2019s why we need to start open and honest conversations about sex. Ultimately, people who talk about sex are more likely to have better sex.<\/p>\n

Let\u2019s talk about sex, baby<\/h3>\n
\"how
How happy are you with your sex life? Photography: Ketut Subiyanto via Pexels<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

You may wonder if talking takes away romance or spontaneity because your partner should ideally know what you want. You’re probably thinking, “must I resort to bringing up a problem in the bedroom or asking for a sexual request?”<\/p>\n

But, here’s another way of looking at it: life is too short to be waiting, hoping, pining and being resentful. If you don\u2019t communicate, your partner might end up second-guessing themselves. They might feel pressured and be unwilling to try anything new for fear of negative repercussions.<\/p>\n

Why do we need the sex talk?<\/h4>\n
    \n
  • Our sexual needs, wants and desires change.<\/li>\n
  • We each have unique sexual likes and dislikes \u2013 and we need to navigate the differences in ways that feel positive for both sides.<\/li>\n
  • We shouldn\u2019t assume that what has worked in the past will always feel good.<\/li>\n
  • Our bodies go through changes after pregnancy, giving birth, ageing, menopause and illness.<\/li>\n
  • When we give each other feedback, for example, we can adjust our touch according to the intensity, pressure and rhythm our partner prefers.<\/li>\n
  • We need consent to try new things and explore the unknown.<\/li>\n
  • Sex is a co-creation of safety, adventure and play.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

    Got problems in the bedroom? 4 sex scenarios and tips on what to do<\/h3>\n
    \"how
    Pick the right place and time, and get comfortable.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

    1. \u201cI didn\u2019t get the reaction I wanted…\u201d<\/h4>\n

    Not everyone likes surprises sprung on them, and not everyone can get an instant erection from their partner wearing lingerie. The pressure of sex can actually be a turn-off.<\/p>\n

    What to do:<\/strong> Don’t blindside your partner and don\u2019t take everything personally. It\u2019s not always something you did or didn\u2019t do. Ask your partner how they\u2019d like to be approached and touched. But, don\u2019t do it right after sex because you don\u2019t want your partner to think you\u2019re nitpicking on what just happened.<\/p>\n

    2. \u201cIt could be better if\u2026\u201d<\/h4>\n

    Sometimes, you may hesitate to ask for what you want because you\u2019re fearful of hurting your partner. But if you don\u2019t speak up, you might suffer in pain, start to dread having sex, or become exasperated with your partner.<\/p>\n

    What to do:<\/strong> Reframe the thought of keeping quiet to spare their feelings. When you speak up, you\u2019re actually becoming closer to your partner by expressing your emotions and thoughts. Instead of complaining, \u201cthat\u2019s wrong\u201d or \u201couch\u201d (only speaking up when you\u2019re in pain), try suggesting, \u201chow about this\u201d or \u201cI wonder how it would feel if we did this\u201d. Remember, your tone matters because your partner will probably feel vulnerable and inadequate when you touch on such sensitive topics.<\/p>\n

    \"how
    Approach the convo with suggestions instead of complaints.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

    3. \u201cI don\u2019t know how to start talking about sex\u2026\u201d<\/h4>\n

    Perhaps you have intimacy issues but you aren\u2019t sure about the time, place and manner to approach the subject. After all, you don\u2019t want your partner to feel rejected, upset or sad that you\u2019re disappointed with your sex life.<\/p>\n

    What to do:<\/strong> Instead of avoiding the issue or playing the blame game, come at it from a place of love. Make talking about sex light-hearted by finding a time and place that\u2019s neutral, and do it when you\u2019re relaxed \u2013 because energy is contagious.<\/p>\n

    A question like, \u201chow was it for you?\u201d after sex can kickstart the conversation. Or when you\u2019re out on a date night, you can say, \u201cI\u2019m feeling shy saying this, but I wanted to talk about the other day when we had sex. I\u2019ve been thinking about how amazing that was. Can we try more of that?\u201d Think of the sandwich approach \u2013 put negative feedback in between positive encouragement so your partner knows you appreciate them.<\/p>\n

    4. \u201cI wonder what my partner wants out of our sex life\u2026\u201d<\/h4>\n

    We want to please our partners, but how can we do that if we don\u2019t know what they like, want or desire? They may have their own frustrations that they haven\u2019t dared to voice out.<\/p>\n

    What to do:<\/strong> Instead of viewing discussing your sexual desires as one big conversation, think of it as unfolding with layers and innuendoes. It helps to keep an open mind, not be judgmental, and understand both perspectives. Conversation starters can include: \u201cWhat does good sex mean to you?\u201d, \u201cWhat are you into sexually?\u201d, \u201cIs there something you\u2019ve always wanted to do in bed but never had the chance to try?\u201d or \u201cWould you like to try that with me?\u201d<\/p>\n

    We all know communication in a relationship is important. Sweeping your feelings under the rug won\u2019t change a thing, so take these tips and go forth with confidence to talk about sex and get what you really want in the bedroom.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    Sex can be a difficult, sensitive or taboo subject because we\u2019ve witnessed so little real-life positive modelling around it. But we can develop confidence around sexual communication when we know how to approach it and we practise it often enough for it to become a skill. That\u2019s why we need to start open and honest […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":107523,"featured_media":244907,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false},"categories":[25084],"tags":[64551],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nLet's talk about sex: How to get what you want in bed | Honeycombers<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"People who talk about sex are more likely to have a better sex life. 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