{"id":239555,"date":"2021-08-04T11:00:52","date_gmt":"2021-08-04T03:00:52","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/thehoneycombers.com\/singapore\/?p=239555"},"modified":"2021-08-05T17:16:30","modified_gmt":"2021-08-05T09:16:30","slug":"platonic-friendships-men-women","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thehoneycombers.com\/singapore\/platonic-friendships-men-women\/","title":{"rendered":"Let\u2019s talk about platonic friendships between men and women: Can they really exist and are they worth it?"},"content":{"rendered":"

I\u2019ve long been a believer that there\u2019s nothing wrong with platonic friendships. Until a girlfriend of mine (in my opinion) got a little too friendly with my husband. We all have that friend who thinks it\u2019s okay to be overly friendly with someone of the opposite sex, be it sitting on their lap or getting touchy after a couple of drinks<\/a>. \u201cRelax, we\u2019re just friends!\u201d \u201cHe\u2019s like my brother.\u201d Sound familiar? So I went on Instagram with this bold statement: \u201cMen shouldn\u2019t have platonic girl friends.\u201d This led to an avalanche of DMs, demanding I state a reason. Here\u2019s how I see it\u2026<\/p>\n

When I was a young girl<\/h3>\n

P.S. If My Chemical Romance\u2019s song \u201cWelcome to the Black Parade\u201d didn\u2019t start playing in your head, we can\u2019t be friends. Here\u2019s a little background: my cousin closest to me in age (and by default my best friend growing up) was a boy. My mother would often drop me off at his place to spend the weekend climbing walls, digging for insects, fishing and spitting (yes, spitting). \u201cBoy\u201d things.<\/p>\n

We\u2019d play with his other boy friends. If they cycled faster than me, or if we played catch where I was always the catcher because they ran faster than me, I didn\u2019t have my mum to go running to. Or anyone to make them play nice. I just had to pedal harder and suck it up. Be \u201cone of the boys\u201d.<\/p>\n

\"platonic
Photography: Alex Green via Pexels<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

\u201cJill, if you were a girl\u201d<\/h3>\n

Knowing my looks were okay at best, I had to think of other ways to get attention. That came out in a very awkward mix of being a tomboy who wore really short skirts. It just didn\u2019t work. Boys greeted me with a handshake while other girls got hugs. Whatever the boy equivalent to being \u201cbro-zoned\u201d was, that’s where I resided.<\/p>\n

Needless to say, I became the \u201cbest friend\u201d to a lot of guys. The girl they\u2019d talk to about the girl they actually wanted. (To clarify, once you\u2019re above the age of 17, having a girl who\u2019s your best friend just doesn\u2019t work.) We had conversations about hypothetical situations between them and their dream girl, where they would often utter, \u201cJill, if you were a girl, what would you do?\u201d To which I\u2019d always point out, \u201cWhat do you mean IF I were a girl?\u201d<\/p>\n

The iconic response that\u2019s still used to this day: \u201cWell, you\u2019re not really a girl, you\u2019re more like a duck.\u201d Meaning I navigate both worlds. The hormonally unpredictable teenage girl one and the equally hormone-driven boy one. But I wasn\u2019t considered sexual. No one finds a duck sexy.<\/p>\n

Can girls have platonic guy friends?<\/h3>\n

Yes. Why? Men are infinitely more secure than girls (in general). That\u2019s the truth of it. Because women don\u2019t lie as much. If we\u2019re meeting a male compadre for a one-on-one for dinner, we tell our significant other. Men, for some reason, feel the urge to lie over the slightest things!<\/p>\n

For example: after taking a group picture, a friend of mine requested I take another picture of the guys because he failed to tell his girlfriend there\u2019d be a girl (aka me) joining guys\u2019 night. I\u2019ve met his girlfriend. She\u2019s lovely and wouldn\u2019t have cared. Yet he felt it was something that needed to be omitted. Senseless lies like these make it difficult for men to have platonic girl friends. I\u2019ll get to that.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s also probably something primal in them. Once a guy meets his girlfriend\u2019s group of lads, they size each male up. The same way we women know instantly \u201cthat girl\u2019s a hoe\u201d. I\u2019m not saying this is altogether a good thing. But my main point is, the boyfriend, in most cases, almost always gets the opportunity to meet the girl\u2019s friends and come to a conclusion on his own. Most women don\u2019t get the same opportunity.<\/p>\n

\"platonic
Photography: Monstera via Pexels<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Can guys have platonic girl friends?<\/h3>\n

No. There are a couple of reasons for this. Let\u2019s start with, \u201cMy girlfriend is crazy\u201d. Nine times out of 10, said girlfriend is made to feel crazy. The other one time, well, she may actually be crazy.<\/p>\n

Men feel the need to lie over insignificant things such as, but not limited to, the time they go to sleep. You\u2019ve been there: you\u2019re messaging your significant other, they say they\u2019re going to bed, so you go to bed. The next morning you see their \u201clast seen\u201d status at 2.30am. You ask about it. But instead of the regular boring truth, \u201cI couldn\u2019t fall asleep so I was talking to a friend,\u201d an elaborate story that rarely makes sense is concocted. That plants the seed of mistrust when there\u2019s nothing to lie about!<\/p>\n

Downplaying a friendship is another. If the boyfriend has a close female coworker, they\u2019ll share inside jokes pertaining to work. Chances are, they have lunch with each other daily and possibly go out for drinks after work. This is both understandable and harmless. However, this is how some men choose to handle such situations. If the girlfriend\u2019s feeling insecure about this closeness, instead of putting her mind at ease, one of two things happen.<\/p>\n

Men get overly defensive. \u201cShe\u2019s just a colleague! Stop being paranoid.\u201d \u201cFine, I\u2019ll eat alone every day, would that make you happy?\u201d Or they go down the lying route. \u201cI had too much work so I didn\u2019t go for lunch.\u201d \u201cShe didn\u2019t join us for drinks after work.\u201d<\/p>\n

Women know when they\u2019re being lied to \u2013 paranoid women in particular. We\u2019ll watch all the Instagram stories of your coworkers and look out for items on the table or voices in the background. (Yes, I\u2019ve been there and done those things, #NoShameInMyGame.) Just because you took a video and made sure to leave a female coworker out, you can\u2019t be sure everyone else was as careful. This leads to the \u201cIf she\u2019s just a friend, why did you lie\u201d fight.<\/p>\n

\"platonic
Photography: Priscilla Du Preez via Unsplash<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

So allow everyone to meet and don\u2019t lie \u2013 easy!<\/h3>\n

After successfully training my husband to tell the truth and allowing me to meet his girl friends, he\u2019s also learnt to respect my feelings towards them. After meeting certain girls, if my \u201cradar\u201d goes into overdrive, he respects that I\u2019m uncomfortable. Especially if a female coworker passive-aggressively feels the need to stake her claim on him as her work husband. Girl, he\u2019s my real husband, sit down.<\/p>\n

It works the same; he tells me when he\u2019s uncomfortable with any of my male friends. Sounds wonderful! What\u2019s the problem then? Men can clearly have platonic girl friends if they\u2019re open and upfront about it.<\/p>\n

Not to throw my sisters under the bus, but it has to be said. Sometimes when we\u2019re surfing the crimson wave, we get into our emotions and nothing pleases us. Begging the question: can either sex really have platonic friendships? You can be open and honest, doing everything right, and based on the luck of the draw, still end up upsetting your other half. Is that risk really worth having a girl best friend?<\/p>\n

\"platonic
Photography: mentatdgt via Pexels<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

I\u2019ll answer that: No, it isn\u2019t<\/h3>\n

Jealousy is real. My husband has known my friends since we dated \u2013 some single, some married. On the night that sparked it all, he helped a girlfriend of mine peel a prawn because she merely asked. Something he\u2019d never do for me. It was harmless and actually quite chivalrous.<\/p>\n

Unfortunately, it was the wrong day of the month to be a gentleman. It made me feel annoyed and jealous, and it led to a little fight that was quickly resolved because it was my own insecurities. It\u2019s just an example of how a friendship can be 100% platonic, but depending on the angle of the moon and where the wind blows, you can\u2019t be 100% sure you\u2019ll always be \u201ccool\u201d with it.<\/p>\n

Any thoughts on platonic friendships between men and women? DM us @Honeycombers<\/a> on Instagram! (Note: views expressed are the writer’s own.)<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I\u2019ve long been a believer that there\u2019s nothing wrong with platonic friendships. Until a girlfriend of mine (in my opinion) got a little too friendly with my husband. We all have that friend who thinks it\u2019s okay to be overly friendly with someone of the opposite sex, be it sitting on their lap or getting […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":107525,"featured_media":239556,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nPlatonic friendships: Can men and women just be friends? | Honeycombers<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Can platonic friendships truly exist and are they worth it? Where does friendship end and flirting begin? 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