{"id":237655,"date":"2021-06-17T11:41:27","date_gmt":"2021-06-17T03:41:27","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/thehoneycombers.com\/singapore\/?p=237655"},"modified":"2021-06-17T11:41:27","modified_gmt":"2021-06-17T03:41:27","slug":"interracial-relationships-love-stories","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thehoneycombers.com\/singapore\/interracial-relationships-love-stories\/","title":{"rendered":"The beauty of interracial relationships: 3 couples tell us their love stories and what they\u2019ve learnt from each other"},"content":{"rendered":"

Love<\/a> is love. No matter what background we come from, we all bring something different and unique to our relationships. Race<\/a>, ethnicity, culture and heritage are the layers that make love more rich, complex and beautiful. Especially when they help to widen our perspective and give a deeper meaning to our connection. So let\u2019s not draw the lines in the sand. To celebrate interracial relationships, we speak to three couples about their journeys, their challenges and their love for one another.<\/p>\n

The couple: Natasha, Malay-Chinese, early 30s and Patrick, Chinese, early 30s<\/h3>\n

Together for 13 years, married for 3 years.<\/em><\/p>\n

\"interracial
Photography: Natasha and Patrick<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

The meet-cute<\/h4>\n

Natasha:<\/strong> We met in school on the first day of orientation. I was immediately drawn to him and we developed a strong friendship which slowly evolved into a relationship. I actually told him that I liked him first and never regretted it!<\/p>\n

We dated for seven years before he proposed a few weeks after my birthday at Bishan Park. It was completely out of the blue but it turned out to be a lovely surprise. It was very romantic \u2013 he put fairy lights around seven trees and on each tree seven photos of us from the last seven years. He got down on one knee, popped the question and I said yes!<\/p>\n

Our wedding was such a fun and memorable affair. We were able to incorporate what we loved about our cultures \u2013 we had a tea ceremony and a Pelamin (wedding dais) and we loved how our families enjoyed everything. We had our closest friends and family join us and there was so much laughter and joy \u2013 I might be the only bride who didn\u2019t cry on her wedding day. I was just too happy.<\/p>\n

What they love about each other<\/h4>\n

Natasha:<\/strong> I love how determined, smart and driven he is. We\u2019re quite competitive with each other and that fuels my motivation to achieve more and do better. He has the best sense of humour. I think laughter is our love language.<\/p>\n

Patrick:<\/strong> I love that she\u2019s a thoughtful person, always trying to do what makes other people happy. Her selflessness is what draws me to her.<\/p>\n

\"interracial
Photography: Natasha and Patrick<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

On their different cultural backgrounds<\/h4>\n

Natasha:<\/strong> I grew up with parents of different races and the concept of an interracial relationship wasn\u2019t foreign to me. As a child in the 90s, the biggest wake-up calls were questions from people around me asking about my parentage or why I was choosing one mother tongue over another. I had my fair share of racial conflict but that never hindered the way I interacted with people. My parents also raised me trilingual, making it much easier to connect and communicate with others.<\/p>\n

Because of the way I was raised, being racially different never posed any major issues for me. Just like any other relationship, communication is key. Being able to clearly express from the beginning what you are or aren\u2019t comfortable with, and as a couple coming to terms with that, is very important. We can\u2019t expect others to change for us, no matter how long you\u2019ve been together. Instead of choosing to hate the differences, learn to appreciate the parts that make us different.<\/p>\n

Patrick:<\/strong> In the context of Singapore, growing up in neighbourhood schools meant we mixed around with other races. It didn\u2019t feel overwhelming as I had friends of other races. It felt normal.<\/p>\n

Challenges unique to interracial relationships<\/h4>\n

Natasha:<\/strong> Having to repeat myself when people ask similar questions over and over. In the beginning, it was fine. But after many years, I was surprised there are people who are curious but don\u2019t often have the best intentions.<\/p>\n

Patrick:<\/strong> While the older generations often held the stigma of dating other races due to religion or cultural issues, I observed that the younger generation Singaporeans are more open to these ideologies. While I was studying in poly, I saw many interracial relationships. While not many can withstand the test of time, I\u2019d say their parents or friends pose more of a threat to the relationship than the couples themselves.<\/p>\n

\"interracial
Photography: Natasha and Patrick<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Misconceptions about interracial dating<\/h4>\n

Natasha:<\/strong> Being in an interracial relationship isn\u2019t that different. Just like any other couple, we have our ups and downs. It\u2019s more of the difference in your upbringing that can potentially cause friction or disagreement.<\/p>\n

I do wish people would look beyond our skin colour and allow us the chance to know each other better. Comments or questions like \u201cWhy do you date a Chinese? You don\u2019t like Malays?\u201d or \u201cShouldn\u2019t you consider your race first?\u201d should cease to exist. Often, I don\u2019t want to incite any conflict and just laugh shyly \u2013 when in fact, these little things can hurt.<\/p>\n

Patrick:<\/strong> I think the misconception is that you have to give up a lot for the other party and be very accommodating. Relationships are a two-way street and the agreement between couples is more important than any opinion others hold, especially with regards to your beliefs.<\/p>\n

The most common question I get is \u201cDid you convert?\u201d. I don’t think it\u2019s wrong to ask this question but I also don’t think religion should be a factor in a relationship.<\/p>\n

Incidents of discrimination and their response<\/h4>\n

Both:<\/strong> We haven\u2019t had any major discrimination and we try as much as possible to be polite. It can get very tough at times but these days, we choose who we want and don\u2019t want to respond to.<\/p>\n

Lessons learned from each other through the years<\/h4>\n

Natasha:<\/strong> I\u2019ve learnt to be open to new experiences and go with the flow. I\u2019ve always been more cautious and uptight; last-minute changes don\u2019t sit well with me. On the other hand, my husband doesn\u2019t let change affect his mood. He puts in the effort to enjoy the experience. Because of this, I\u2019ve slowly accepted that I can\u2019t control everything, and I\u2019ve enjoyed life so much more.<\/p>\n

Patrick:<\/strong> I learnt how to express myself better after getting together with her. She taught me many things and I believe the trust we built will last a lifetime. It\u2019s something rare that even couples from the same race would have difficulties achieving.<\/p>\n

Advice for other interracial couples<\/h4>\n

Natasha:<\/strong> Don\u2019t give up. If you believe you\u2019ve found your life partner, do whatever it takes to make it work. Learn to accept that differences can be a beautiful thing and always remember to choose love.<\/p>\n

Patrick:<\/strong> Look beyond the opinion of others and realise that ultimately, your relationship with each other matters more. Those who matter don’t mind and those who mind don’t matter.<\/p>\n

The couple: Mathan, Indian, 32 and Margaret, Chinese, 33<\/h3>\n

Together for 5 years, married for almost 2 years.<\/em><\/p>\n

\"interracial
Photography: Mathan & Margaret<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

The meet-cute<\/h4>\n

Margaret:<\/strong> We met at the laboratory where we used to work together. He made the first move and here we are today, living together in the house we bought.<\/p>\n

Mathan:<\/strong> I\u2019d asked her out after being single for some time. I was initially hesitant, thinking she wouldn\u2019t be interested in someone of a different race. I was definitely surprised she agreed to the date. We went out and really enjoyed each other’s company. I decided it was time to ask her to go steady with me and we\u2019re married now.<\/p>\n

What they love about each other<\/h4>\n

Margaret:<\/strong> I like that he\u2019s someone who finds joy in simple pleasures.<\/p>\n

Mathan:<\/strong> I\u2019d say it has to be her patience since I always annoy the hell out of her. She has a great sense of humour which I totally love.<\/p>\n

On their different cultural backgrounds<\/h4>\n

Both:<\/strong> Rather than pointing out the differences, we should be open-minded and accept them. We\u2019re still learning how to preserve the traditions our parents practice and hope to impart that to our children in the future.<\/p>\n

Challenges unique to interracial relationships<\/h4>\n

Margaret:<\/strong> They aren\u2019t exactly challenges, but it\u2019s the side-eye or stares we get from strangers on the streets.<\/p>\n

Mathan:<\/strong> One of them is deciding the name of our yet to be born children.<\/p>\n

\"interracial
Photography: Mathan & Margaret<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Incidents of discrimination and their response<\/h4>\n

Margaret:<\/strong> This happened a few years back when we were dating. We were sitting on a bench at Takashimaya event hall, beside a middle-aged Chinese aunty. The next thing we knew, she was pointing her tablet in our direction and ranting. I was shocked. I didn\u2019t know how to react or respond and chose to ignore. But if we were to encounter such an unpleasant incident again, which I hope not, I\u2019ll respond differently.<\/p>\n

Mathan:<\/strong> When we were walking outside Plaza Singapura, there was a middle-aged Chinese man who walked by and said something crude. I got furious and confronted him. We exchanged some words but I eventually decided to walk away and not escalate the issue. I didn\u2019t want to be Stomped.<\/p>\n

Lessons learned from each other through the years<\/h4>\n

Both:<\/strong> There are definitely differences in how we approach things. We each have our own standpoint. However, we need to compromise and understand each other for a healthy relationship.<\/p>\n

Advice for other interracial couples<\/h4>\n

Both:<\/strong> It\u2019s gratifying to explore and expose yourself to a different culture. Don\u2019t let our differences divide us. Let us recognise, acknowledge and embrace them. Over time, we learn we\u2019re actually more similar and less different from one another.<\/p>\n

The couple: Kishan, Indian, 29 and Michiel, Dutch, 39<\/h3>\n

Together for 2.5 years (names have been changed for privacy reasons).<\/em><\/p>\n

\"interracial
Photography: Monstera via Pexels<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

The meet-cute<\/h4>\n

Kishan:<\/strong> We started as friends, and over the course of our friendship, we developed romantic feelings. Fast forward to now: we\u2019re in a stable, healthy relationship where we practise open communication.<\/p>\n

Michiel:<\/strong> I moved to Singapore in October 2018. My first two weeks were spent in a hotel, where we first met. Shortly after, we had drinks again; we were interested in each other and shared some values and interests. I was happy to meet a new friend. However, friendship wasn\u2019t our final destination \u2013 we started to develop mutual feelings for each other and got into a relationship a couple of months later.<\/p>\n

What they love about each other<\/h4>\n

Kishan:<\/strong> He\u2019s patient and understanding. I tend to be cynical and pessimistic, and he helps me to see it isn’t always dark clouds.<\/p>\n

Michiel:<\/strong> My boyfriend is funny, cute and sweet. Not to mention very handsome. What I love most about him is his shining soul, which is best expressed in how he deals with things he’s passionate about, his dreams and imagination.<\/p>\n

On their different cultural backgrounds<\/h4>\n

Kishan:<\/strong> Being Singaporean, I\u2019m always tactful. Whereas he\u2019s more direct, which can be conceived as rudeness. In the early days of our relationship, there were definitely teething problems. English isn’t his first language, and when you can’t articulate how you feel, miscommunication is bound to happen.<\/p>\n

Michiel:<\/strong> Communication, not necessarily always verbal, results in a number of misunderstandings. Being understood as rude or insulting has completely taken me by surprise a number of times. We also have a different way of dealing with day to day matters which find their origin in our cultural background.<\/p>\n

\"interracial
Photography: Anna Shvets via Pexels<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Challenges unique to interracial relationships<\/h4>\n

Kishan:<\/strong> Every relationship has its own set of dynamics. But interracial relationships have an extra layer of complexity. Coming from the same cultural background helps, but on the other side of the fence, you gain so much more. Interracial relationships broaden your views on so many things. You get to view life through a set of lens that isn\u2019t native to you. You learn their cultures and values on an individual level. At first, it might seem like a challenge. But instead of fleeing at the idea of anything foreign, it helped me see things from a different perspective, which inadvertently helped me in other aspects of my life.<\/p>\n

Misconceptions about interracial dating<\/h4>\n

Kishan:<\/strong> I feel people assume I’m not proud of my race or culture just \u2018cause I\u2019m with someone of a different race. Ironically, the relationship has made me feel proud of my culture, which I didn’t really feel growing up.<\/p>\n

Michiel:<\/strong> Dating is dating. I guess each family likes its values and traditions to survive generations to come. Maybe people see having a partner from a different culture as a threat to the survival of their values and traditions. I like to believe it’s an opportunity for enrichment.<\/p>\n

Lessons learned from each other through the years<\/h4>\n

Kishan:<\/strong> I\u2019ve learned to be more patient and see that the glass isn\u2019t (always) half-empty.<\/p>\n

Michiel:<\/strong> Patience, understanding, the richness of Asian cuisine, different ways to handle arguments, and more. I experienced some things I’d read about and thought I understood. However, only experiencing it helps you really understand. This relationship, in combination with living in a different culture, has made me look into the mirror. \u2018The Dutch way is the only logical way\u2019 used to be my thinking and I wasn\u2019t even aware of this belief.<\/p>\n

Advice for other interracial couples<\/h4>\n

Kishan:<\/strong> In the beginning, it might be bumpy. But when you understand each other’s cultural background, you\u2019ll see it\u2019s rewarding and enriching.<\/p>\n

Michiel:<\/strong> Stay strong. Love is a universal language. Culture can only make one speak a different dialect. At first, it may be different, but it\u2019s the same language. Being with somebody who\u2019s been raised in a totally different environment can come with challenges. However, it\u2019s more enriching and exciting than it is challenging.<\/p>\n

Have a love story you’d like to share? DM us @Honeycombers<\/a>, we’d love to hear from you!<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Love is love. No matter what background we come from, we all bring something different and unique to our relationships. Race, ethnicity, culture and heritage are the layers that make love more rich, complex and beautiful. Especially when they help to widen our perspective and give a deeper meaning to our connection. So let\u2019s not […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":107486,"featured_media":237662,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[120522],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nThe beauty of interracial relationships: 3 couples tell us their love stories<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"The truth about being in an interracial relationship? 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