If you've always wondered what your partner thinks of you in bed, here's how to make sure the sex is great for both of you.
When we do something, we like to know if we’re good at it (and if not, how to improve). Yet when it comes to sex, many people feel shy and embarrassed talking about it – much less asking for feedback. They’re afraid of feeling inadequate and rejected. So, rather than rock the boat, they stay silent. As a sexologist, I encourage clients to be vulnerable and take steps to talk about sex as we would do with any subject. That’s why I’m here to answer your question on whether you’re good in bed. Ready to find out?
How to know you’re good in bed
1. You talk about sex
It’s that simple. You view sexual communication as an important part of understanding and learning about each other. You appreciate the role of sexual communication before, after, and during sex, and you do it without being long-winded or belabouring your point.
2. You’re open to trying new things
The same old can become routine. You don’t want to do things for the sake of doing them! That’s why you’re open to your partner proposing new things. You also take a proactive role in expressing your desire to try different things without shaming or guilt-tripping them. You share your fantasies and encourage your partner to do the same.
3. You respect boundaries and consent
Respecting your partner’s boundaries is part of co-creating a space of safety, fun and exploration. You don’t take “no” personally; instead, you remain open and curious about supporting your partner’s sexual evolution. Their enthusiastic consent is important so that they feel good about themselves and you.
4. You’re generous in bed
Sex is about mutual giving, pleasing and receiving. That’s why you take pride in pleasing your partner. You want both of you to take all the time needed because sex is meant to be fun, enjoyable and pleasurable.
5. You adapt and adjust
You’re constantly finding out more about your partner’s sexual needs, wants and desires. This includes not projecting what other people in your life have liked from past experiences. You treat each person as the individual that they are – you ask questions, explore and focus on their individual preferences.
6. You feel comfortable with the lights on
You’re comfortable being naked and playful in the bedroom because you love and accept all parts of your body. You understand that when you’re completely comfortable with yourself, your partner is more likely to be comfortable with you. Lights on or not, it’s all good with you!
7. You don’t imitate others
There’s no need to mimic porn or other fantasies unless both of you want to engage in role-play. You don’t desire to imitate others because you allow yourself to be your own person in and out of the bedroom. You’re not intimidated, neither do you feel insecure. You’re just comfortable in your own skin!
8. You’re sexually confident
That’s because you’ve taken the time to acquire sexual information (what), sexual knowledge (when and how), and sexual skills (solo practice is practice!). You listen to your body and your body listens to you. You know what, when and how to apply speed, pressure and rhythm. In short, you know what you’re doing when you interact with your sexual partner.
9. You don’t get intimidated by sex toys
You welcome sexual aids and sexual variety because they’re there to support your sexual expression – they don’t replace you. You’re confident of what you bring to the sexual encounter with or without sex toys.
10. You’ve been told so
This pretty much tops the list. One of the clearest ways to know you’re good in bed is if multiple sexual partners have expressed this to you. It’s their opinion and it’s meant to be a compliment, so there’s no need to second guess or doubt them. Embrace it!
There you have it: the 10 signs you’re good in bed. Which ones have you ticked off and what others are you working on?
