A few weeks ago, Brandon Smith, a 19-year-old Singapore-born New Zealander, made the headlines for his dicey predicament with the Singaporean male conundrum not-so-affectionately known as NS… or National Service. Inciting outrage amongst netizens and keyboard warriors, was the fact that Smith faced a jail term and a $10,000 fine had he refused to comply with the NS call-up – much drama indeed for a poor 19-year-old chap. We sympathise too with the unfair sentiment that Smith didn’t have the option to relinquish his Singaporean citizenship (he could’ve only done this at 21), which would’ve helped him flee from this ‘terrorising ordeal’. Instead, he’s being flung head-first into the belly of the beast – into war, into inhumane ridicule, into a two-year purgatory.
But to be honest, I went through NS what seems like an eternity ago, and I can assure you that it’s not as dire as what NS virgins make it out to be. I am still very much socially competent; I am not suffering from a traumatising case of shell shock; I still have my hair; I have lived to tell this tale that I now bring forth to you worried sobbing mothers, fearful soldiers-to-be, and fellow army kakis who will most likely concur with what I have to say. No, NS wasn’t a walk in the park, but it wasn’t the end of the world either. Let me flesh out these 10 myths about NS that people tend to flail helplessly about – at attention!
1) The officers like to torture and beat you to a pulp
It’s actually not legal for commanding officers to “ill-treat” (according to the Singapore Armed Forces Act, section 38(a), this can be interpreted as “striking”) servicemen of lower rank. Admittedly, deaths have occurred during training, but these are extremely rare exceptions and those responsible have been dealt with by the law. For most, ‘torture’ comes in the form of sit-ups and push-ups – but since when were pecs and abs a bad thing?
2) They feed you goopy gruel like dungeon dwellers
Funnily enough, your commanding officer will actually reprimand you if you don’t eat a hearty meal (it’s free, btw). This usually includes a four-course cai png meal (with free-flow rice!), a soup and dessert, with Halal and vegetarian options available too. And fellas, we can all agree that Western food Wednesdays are the bomb, right?
3) Back problems become inevitable as you will often sleep in caves and cages
While it might feel like it sometimes, your sleeping quarters are certainly better than a prison’s. Everyone gets their own bed (you don’t have to share, unless you like spooning and cuddles), a sizeable wardrobe (inner mirror included), and you can turn on ceiling fans as strong as you want. Sure, it ain’t the Shangri-La, but you’ll be too exhausted after a day’s training to care about silk linen and luxury quilts.
4) You can’t contact your loved ones because technology is taboo in camps
Don’t worry Ma and Pa, your ah boy can still bring his phone into camp to wish you goodnight before bedtime. And not just any phone – Smartphones with cameras and .gif-making apps are allowed too! This wasn’t the case when I had to serve my sentence… I mean, ‘national duty’, in 2007, when I could only bring in obsolete Nokia brickphones where my only form of entertainment was Snake. But hey, at least I got really good at it.
5) Your room will be converted into a storehouse ’cos you won’t go home for two years
Nah, your mandatory confinement period only lasts during the first three months – otherwise known as BMT, Basic Military Training – and even then, you can still go home on weekends. If you get a lucky vocation after that, or if your camp officers are ‘slack’ (Singlish for ‘lazy’) and blissfully carefree, you can even go home every day. If your parents wanna convert your room though you’re only gone for three months, you should question their love for you.
6) Wigs are your best friends because you will always be bald
Again, you are only egg-shaped during the BMT period – the supposedly hardest part of your entire two years. You’ll need to keep short hair throughout though, so you can forget about man-buns and dreadlocks.
7) It’s a dog-eat-dog world out there where no one can be trusted
On the contrary, you’ll find yourself bonding with bunkmates as you plan strategies not for the battlefield, but for avoiding the duties and responsibilities that officers try to pin on you. Want free air-con? Follow your ‘sick’ bud to the medical centre to make sure they don’t ‘faint’ on the way. Who lost the bullet? No one ever throws anyone under the bus. I even had a bruh who wanted to split my punishment with him ’cos he felt guilty about me enduring it alone. Don’t deny it; everyone’s bromance game becomes strong in NS.
8) Your brain cells deteriorate because you soak in stupidity on a daily basis
Who says you can’t use your brain? Serve smartly, and never forget the unspoken golden rule of every NS-man: don’t get caught.
9) You get to channel your inner Rambo and blow up things like a Michael Bay movie
In my two years, I only got to fire a real gun on three occasions, and even then, you had to wait for hours in the heat just to shoot a few rounds. Instead, time is spent on much less exciting affairs – queuing up at 6am to collect your gun, cleaning it from barrel to butt, learning safety drills, and so on. And as for grenades, you only get to throw one during your BMT. So unless you’re in an advanced unit, you can forget about firing bazookas, flamethrowers and machine guns like Schwarzenegger on steroids.
10) You are free after those two years
Now here’s a catch in the system that might irk you. Assuming you’re staying put in Singapore after NS – it’s easier to defer what comes next if you’re based overseas – you’ll have to undergo 10 (yes, TEN) years of compulsory fitness tests and reservist training. While the former can be surpassed swiftly (this is presuming you can pass the test without a hitch), the latter requires you to return to camp for a two-week (sometimes longer) stint where you’re reacquainted with the military tactics you learnt in NS. But what this actually translates to, is trying to avoid menial tasks while you’re hiding in the Crew Room playing video games and snoozing. Doesn’t Singapore feel safe with such a diligent defence system?
So there you have it; call NS “B.S.” if you like, but it’s definitely way better than scenes you’d imagine from a post-apocalyptic slavery film. There are neither chains nor whips, and while it does seem like you’re losing bits of your humanity day by day, you are, at least, gaining friends and fortitude that will strengthen you for the years to come. Plus, it’s always a chuckle-worthy story to tell, one shared by every Singaporean male who calls this island home.
All images from the Facebook pages of Basic Military Training Centre and The Singapore Army.