{"id":205004,"date":"2024-04-16T09:58:03","date_gmt":"2024-04-16T01:58:03","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/thehoneycombers.com\/hong-kong\/?p=205004"},"modified":"2024-04-16T10:00:05","modified_gmt":"2024-04-16T02:00:05","slug":"diagnosed-with-autism-as-an-adult","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thehoneycombers.com\/hong-kong\/diagnosed-with-autism-as-an-adult\/","title":{"rendered":"What it\u2019s like to be diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder as an adult"},"content":{"rendered":"

Admittedly, even just a few weeks ago, I had no idea April was Autism Acceptance Month. This seems rather fitting, as for the majority of my life, I was not aware that I had Autism Spectrum Disorder. While Hong Kong is becoming more conscious about the importance of mental health by making counselling services<\/a> more accessible and more companies are now encouraging mental health days<\/a>, the Autism Spectrum (especially for women) is quite a different ball game. As my personal mental health journey evolves, with the help of resources like medication<\/a> and therapy, I thought I\u2019d take this month to be more vocally accepting myself \u2013 and share my experience of getting diagnosed with autism as an adult.<\/p>\n

My experience with being diagnosed with autism as an adult<\/h2>\n

Does \u201cwomen and children first\u201d only apply to sinking ships?<\/h3>\n
\"diagnosed
Mental health issues and symptoms are often overlooked in girls (Photography: Olivia Bauso via Unsplash)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

I was only clinically diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) a few weeks after I had turned 24 years old. I can honestly say that not having this knowledge for most of my life, including my entire childhood, cast a noticeable darkness over my mental health. However, I soon discovered that my story is not at all uncommon. In fact, although estimates<\/a> find that boys are four times more likely to receive an ASD diagnosis than girls<\/strong>, it\u2019s becoming apparent that the number of females and males that have ASD is almost the same. Perhaps because areas of mental health are becoming less male-centric and struggles that women go through are taken more seriously, more girls are readily diagnosed nowadays. Still, a large percentage do not find this diagnosis until adulthood.<\/p>\n

Discovering my diagnosis was a bookmark in a bleak period of my life when I was living in New York. After a particularly dark chapter in my struggles with depression and anxiety, I came to the epiphany that I should start being more honest with my mental healthcare providers to truly try and get \u201cbetter\u201d (honesty \u2013 what a concept!). I opened up to my therapist about almost anything and everything that had ever troubled me \u2013 what I\u2019d kept hidden out of embarrassment or simply thought it\u2019s \u201cjust one of those things.\u201d Although I had some obvious symptoms of autism, I often concealed a lot of myself due to feelings of shame. After a few sessions with my therapist and this new attitude, she asked me point-blank: what do you think about getting tested for Autism Spectrum Disorder?<\/p>\n

The double-edged sword of the mask<\/h3>\n
\"diagnosed
Can you tell what\u2019s going on behind this mask? (Photography: Michael Amadeus via Unsplash)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Although the diagnosis process took two sessions and several gruelling hours, it spat out a clear result: \u201cYeah, you definitely have Autism Spectrum Disorder.\u201d It wasn\u2019t until I was finally able to put a name to what I\u2019d just assumed was an \u201cextremely defective personality,\u201d that I could look back at my life and recognise it for the first time. While ASD may look different for every individual, a common phenomenon of those assigned female at birth is \u201cmasking<\/strong>.\u201d A lot of women with ASD are more likely to fly under the radar by learning to camouflage their symptoms. With my diagnosis, I was able to identify the ways in which I would twist myself into knots, trying to copy socially acceptable behaviours<\/strong>.<\/p>\n

It would be little things, like mimicking conversations I saw play out in movies or in real life, then trying to copy and paste them elsewhere \u2013 because I had concrete proof that these strings of words could garner a successful social interaction. I was (and in some ways, I still am) always acutely aware of having to \u201cperform\u201d when interacting with others. With masking comes having to deal with the mental exhaustion<\/strong> and anxiety of not slipping. If I were diagnosed younger, maybe I wouldn\u2019t just be bottling up every social and sensory discomfort. But, the casualty of not having a \u201clabel\u201d or understanding of what you\u2019re feeling until adulthood, is realising the younger version of yourself that might have been.<\/p>\n

Beyond a label: Giving myself permission to exist<\/h3>\n
\"blank
Labels can be important \u2013 to an extent (Photography: Jon Tyson via Unsplash)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Now that I\u2019m a few years removed from being diagnosed with autism as an adult, my relationship with my disorder has shifted in subtle ways. When I was first diagnosed, especially during the earlier months, I\u2019d get a certain tinge of euphoria when reading about symptoms, masking, and special interests \u2013 as finally putting a name to some \u201cshameful\u201d aspects of myself made me feel seen and validated at long last<\/strong>. I suppose that\u2019s a side effect of not being conscious of such a crucial part of yourself for most of your life. It feels like being offered a lifeline after years spent desperately trying to tread water.<\/p>\n

With time, I\u2019ve gained a greater understanding of what Autism Spectrum Disorder means to me personally. I recognise that while it\u2019s an important aspect of who I am, it doesn\u2019t define who I am entirely<\/strong>. Although I find comfort in my official diagnosis, I now place more value on being able to understand and manage myself over getting an official \u201clabel.\u201d In fact, I\u2019d spent several years being mistakenly diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder which, I\u2019d like to think, meant professionals knew there was something up with me, but they just didn\u2019t know what.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s always the darkest before the dawn<\/h3>\n
\"diagnosed
You won\u2019t be stuck in the dark forever (Photography: TMS Sam via Pexels)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

While I did enjoy some friendships throughout my childhood, up until probably high school, maintaining them was an exhausting aspect of my life. I wanted desperately to fit in, but I couldn\u2019t shake the feeling that something was \u201coff\u201d about me. There always seemed to be some unspoken rules to existing that everyone knew, except me. I had to be alert constantly when talking with others (even close friends), as I was still learning to pinpoint the parts of myself that were different and to navigate them.<\/p>\n

As I had a lot more little tics and stimming (self-stimulating) behaviours when I was a kid, I grew to often resign myself to being alone in order to do them without drawing attention to myself. These repetitive behaviours did, however, manage to sneak out of closed doors; a particularly intense period of tics required medical intervention and caused me great distress, as I was seemingly unable to control myself. Since my diagnosis, I\u2019ve forced myself to become more comfortable with these behaviours in public \u2013 meaning I no longer scold myself when needing to repeat things I hear and see on TV.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve also found that being able to share my diagnosis with friends<\/strong> has brought me closer to them in ways I never realised I could. The fact that people in my life can (and are willing to) understand the ways in which I may operate differently certainly eases the stress of feeling like a burden on others. Small things, like a friend who turns my typically one-sided conversations about my special interest in films into a two-sided one, make all the difference. I\u2019ve come to embrace my differences and the existence of my obsessive interests such as movies<\/a> (I\u2019m even managing to get paid to write about them!).<\/p>\n

Getting diagnosed with autism as an adult has given me a new lease on life. I\u2019m learning to not see myself as just a weird kid who was unhealthily obsessed with Judy Garland for a period in her life. Discovering yourself is a vital journey to existing honestly, and I for one am glad that I\u2019m alive to see it come to fruition.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Admittedly, even just a few weeks ago, I had no idea April was Autism Acceptance Month. This seems rather fitting, as for the majority of my life, I was not aware that I had Autism Spectrum Disorder. 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