{"id":188135,"date":"2022-01-27T10:00:20","date_gmt":"2022-01-27T02:00:20","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/thehoneycombers.com\/hong-kong\/?p=188135"},"modified":"2024-11-20T19:35:32","modified_gmt":"2024-11-20T11:35:32","slug":"interview-chinese-wedding-brides-chaperone-azelle-choi","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thehoneycombers.com\/hong-kong\/interview-chinese-wedding-brides-chaperone-azelle-choi\/","title":{"rendered":"Discover the beauty of traditional Chinese weddings with a bride\u2019s chaperone, Azelle Choi"},"content":{"rendered":"

Have you ever heard of the term dai kam jie<\/em> (\u5927\u5997\u59d0)? I must admit I hadn\u2019t \u2013 until I was introduced to Azelle Choi, a dai kam jie<\/em> in Hong Kong. Dai kam jie<\/em> is a bride\u2019s chaperone in the traditional Chinese wedding ceremony, and Azelle has been one for over a decade. Affectionately known as Lai Jie<\/em> (\u9e97\u59d0) by her clients and those around her, Azelle has a passion for all things cultural and is keen to preserve the honourable traditions of Chinese weddings. Let\u2019s play our part and share her story \u2013 and, indeed, the story of many Chinese couples around the world.<\/p>\n

(Psst, before we dive in, if you\u2019re planning on getting married in Hong Kong, be sure to check out our round-up of the best wedding planners<\/a>, wedding florists<\/a>, and wedding photographers<\/a>\u00a0in preparation for your big day. Congrats!)<\/p>\n

Let\u2019s talk about Chinese weddings with a bride\u2019s chaperone, Azelle Choi<\/h2>\n

Hello, Azelle! Thank you for sitting down with us. Could you please tell us about some of the main differences between traditional Chinese and Western weddings?<\/h3>\n

According to my knowledge, one of the major differences is that the men come before the ladies in traditional Chinese culture. So, for instance, if there\u2019s a couple called Mary Lee and Paul Chan about to get married, the title of the traditional Chinese wedding ceremony might say [the marriage of] \u2018Chan and Lee\u2019 (\u9673\u674e\u806f\u5a5a), instead of saying \u2018Mary and Paul\u2019, which is the common practice in the West. Moreover, there is a tea ceremony in a traditional Chinese wedding. During this, the groom will first serve his father-in-law, followed by the mother-in-law; then, it\u2019s the bride\u2019s turn to do the same. All of this is due to the traditionally patriarchal society in the Chinese diaspora; it\u2019s completely different to the \u2018ladies first\u2019 rationale in the West.<\/p>\n

Another difference between Chinese and Western weddings lies in the marriage proposals. In Western culture (and in most countries in modern society), people enjoy the freedom to love and get married to pretty much whomever they want; the couple gets to decide upon the marriage and to move forward in their relationship. On the other hand, marriage proposals in traditional Chinese culture are done in the name of the parents. In other words, they\u2019re arranged marriages. This calls for a traditional betrothal ceremony, known as guo da li<\/em> (\u904e\u5927\u79ae) in Chinese, during which the groom\u2019s family brings dowry to the bride\u2019s family \u2013 yes, it\u2019s the other way around in the West.<\/p>\n

What role does the bride\u2019s chaperone play in a traditional Chinese wedding? Do all bride\u2019s chaperones offer the same services?<\/h3>\n
\"Chinese
The tea ceremony is an important ritual in traditional Chinese weddings (Photography: Hilary Chan Photography; courtesy of Azelle Choi)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Many people might think that all dai kam jie<\/em> do is carry a red umbrella to shelter the bride [and protect them from bad luck], toss some rice [which defends the bride from evil spirits], and hold the tea tray during the tea ceremony \u2013 seems like an easy job, doesn\u2019t it? But, I actually consider myself a Chinese wedding \u2018consultant\u2019, rather than a mere \u2018performer\u2019 on the day of the wedding. Once I am hired by a client \u2013 which usually happens months or even a year or two ahead of the wedding \u2013 I try to answer all their queries and guide them through each phase leading up to the ceremony. There\u2019s a lot to prepare and organise, including choosing appropriate wedding gowns (\u88d9\u8902) and embroidered shoes (\u7e61\u82b1\u978b) [which make up the traditional Chinese wedding costume], and catering to the needs of the clients\u2019 families. So, some dai kam jie<\/em>, like me, may go the extra mile and get more involved behind the scenes.<\/p>\n

Moreover, we\u2019re the host of the wedding ceremonies. Some of my clients tell me that they feel much more comfortable with me at the wedding, as they trust that I\u2019ll be able to advise and assist them when they need help. While dai kam jie<\/em> are best known for our chants and words of blessings (\u91d1\u53e5), we also help nurture the relationship between the couple and the in-laws. In particular, we accompany the bride and represent her family \u2013 hence our title being the \u2018bride\u2019s chaperone\u2019. While\u00a0all dai kam jie <\/em>offer similar services i.e. to assist the various ceremonies in Chinese weddings, different chaperones have different experience and strengths, so make sure you choose one who can best meet your needs.<\/p>\n

You serve both local and international clients. What are some challenges you\u2019ve faced regarding cultural differences, and how did you resolve them?<\/h3>\n
\"traditional
The pairs of red dates and lotus seeds symbolise fertility and stability as a couple (Photography: Mary Ann Art & Photography; courtesy of Azelle Choi)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

I once attended to a German groom and a mixed-Chinese bride, who had no prior knowledge at all when it came to traditional Chinese weddings. In addition to pointing out the differences in customs (which I\u2019ve mentioned above), I had to rehearse more thoroughly with them and make sure they were comfortable with the practice. Also, giving instructions while conveying the meanings behind each ritual was very important. I wanted to ensure that I wasn\u2019t forcing information down their throats, but that there was actually mutual respect and understanding, especially from my end. Oh, and I had to work on my English!<\/p>\n

In your opinion, what are the attractions of traditional Chinese weddings to modern couples in Hong Kong?<\/h3>\n

I think many Hongkongers nowadays \u2013 not just young couples \u2013 are very nostalgic; retro and vintage things are on trend. Also, compared to Western weddings, which have a more romantic and intimate atmosphere, traditional Chinese weddings focus more on family and ancestry. The sense of kinship and being able to share the joy with the whole family makes the occasion much warmer and livelier. And on the note of ancestry, there are many people of Chinese descent (whether based in Hong Kong or somewhere else in the world) who are keen to explore their roots. Not only are they curious about their lineage, but they also want to contribute to the preservation of traditions, and pass them onto the next generation.<\/p>\n

How did you become a Chinese wedding consultant?<\/h3>\n
\"guo
Look at the abundant dowry for the traditional betrothal ceremony! (Photography: Jasmine & Damon; courtesy of Azelle Choi)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

I actually started out studying social work back in university. After graduating, I became a registered social worker and was particularly active in the elderly services field. Eventually, I took on more commercial work and my schedule became quite flexible. This was when I spotted that an NGO was holding interest classes on becoming a dai kam jie<\/em>. Because I\u2019ve always had an interest in global culture and heritage, I signed up for the course and, upon completing it, friends and wedding companies began to approach me about my dai kam jie<\/em> services. I ended up completing three different dai kam jie<\/em> courses and was able to gradually build up a portfolio of clients, thus, I decided to transition to being a full-time Chinese wedding consultant.<\/p>\n

But even after I transitioned to being a Chinese wedding consultant, there are often times my experience as a social worker comes in handy. For instance, some newly-weds may be concerned about the social distancing regulations, which are constantly changing due to the pandemic. This is when my \u2018counselling\u2019 services come in. I\u2019d reassure them that they\u2019re not alone in this, then give them suggestions as to the next steps to take, such as contacting the hotel to discuss alternative arrangements. Sometimes, I\u2019m also like a \u2018tree hole\u2019 for people to confide in, or I can lend a shoulder to cry on. These are times when I feel that I\u2019m applying my knowledge and beliefs as a social worker.<\/p>\n

Do you have a particularly remarkable ceremony in mind?<\/h3>\n
\"dai
Dai kam jie like Azelle make sure that the Chinese wedding ceremony is a joyous and meaningful occasion for the newly-weds and their loved ones (Photography: Mary Ann Art & Photography; courtesy of Azelle Choi)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Yes, there are quite a few! One of them was when I got the rare opportunity to host a tea ceremony for some boat dwellers (\u6c34\u4e0a\u4eba) in Tuen Mun. The whole ceremony was held on a big, traditional fishing boat! I performed some unique rituals that belonged to the culture of the boat dwellers, including he wei cha<\/em> (\u8cc0\u5e37\u8336), during which the couple would gift a pair of trousers to the groom\u2019s father, and a top to the mother. With these sort of special ceremonies, I always feel that I\u2019m a \u2018human video tape recorder\u2019; I\u2019m happy to be able to gain these invaluable experiences, represent a living piece of history, and play an active part in preserving it.<\/p>\n

But, marriage isn\u2019t always about butterflies and rainbows. Relationships play a key part in a marriage; whether it\u2019s between the couple themselves, with their parents, or between the bride and her in-laws, relationships can get turbulent. There was a case when a groom\u2019s parents were filing for a divorce just as their son was organising his wedding. The groom was convinced his parents wouldn\u2019t attend the tea ceremony together. Yet, they did! In fact, the parents were worried about their son, just as much as their son was worried about them. And when it was the father\u2019s turn to be served the tea, he burst into tears while apologising to his son. The tea ceremony became a turning point in their lives when they could make amends to each other, and I, as the dai kam jie<\/em>, was a witness of that moment. I felt so honoured and I realised the momentousness of my work. So, despite that this incident happened quite early on in my career, I remember it to this day.<\/p>\n

What do you think about the future of traditional Chinese weddings in Hong Kong?<\/h3>\n
\"chinese
A red umbrella is the sign of protection in traditional Chinese weddings (Photography: Mary Ann Art & Photography; courtesy of Azelle Choi)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Because there\u2019s an overwhelming amount of information online nowadays, many people don\u2019t seem to see the need to hire Chinese wedding consultants anymore. They can do their own research; they know the drill \u2013 or so they think. But, I think most of the information online is actually quite superficial. It can tell you about the typical rundowns and certain customs, but it lacks depth and detail. And while there are traditions, the ceremony itself allows a degree of flexibility and can often be customised. From having relatives of different religions to logistical issues on the wedding day, a dai kam jie<\/em> can help diagnose the problems and provide professional advice. That said, I\u2019m not saying it\u2019s wrong for people to not hire dai kam jie<\/em>! It\u2019s their choice after all, and that\u2019s the most important.<\/p>\n

Personally, I hope that our efforts, as bride\u2019s chaperones, to preserve the Chinese wedding heritage will be continued by generations to come. Thanks to commercial courses and government classes in the ERB (Employees Retraining Board), I think this is very much possible!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Have you ever heard of the term dai kam jie (\u5927\u5997\u59d0)? I must admit I hadn\u2019t \u2013 until I was introduced to Azelle Choi, a dai kam jie in Hong Kong. Dai kam jie is a bride\u2019s chaperone in the traditional Chinese wedding ceremony, and Azelle has been one for over a decade. Affectionately known […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":107518,"featured_media":188141,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false},"categories":[1136,18024,9],"tags":[31147],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nDiscover the beauty of Chinese weddings with Azelle Choi | Honeycombers<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Dai kam jie, AKA the bride\u2019s chaperone, is a key figure in traditional Chinese weddings. 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