{"id":184813,"date":"2021-10-13T16:00:23","date_gmt":"2021-10-13T08:00:23","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/thehoneycombers.com\/hong-kong\/?p=184813"},"modified":"2021-10-13T20:16:32","modified_gmt":"2021-10-13T12:16:32","slug":"tiana-ludhani-breast-cancer-awareness","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thehoneycombers.com\/hong-kong\/tiana-ludhani-breast-cancer-awareness\/","title":{"rendered":"Raising awareness of Pink Month: Tiana Ludhani tells us what it\u2019s like to have loved ones battling with breast cancer"},"content":{"rendered":"

Do you know anyone suffering from cancer? Fighting the disease can feel lonely and frustrating, not only for the patients, but also for their families and loved ones. This is why raising awareness \u2013 specifically for breast cancer during Pink Month in October \u2013 is important. Along with many other events and brands participating in Pink Month in Hong Kong, Tiana Ludhani \u2013 the co-founder of The Daily Tot \u2013 is hosting events at the popular Hong Kong bar<\/a> to raise funds for the National Breast Cancer Coalition (NBCC)<\/a>. In support of the cause, we chatted with Tiana about her family\u2019s experience with breast cancer, as two of her closest relatives have been fighting it for years. Whether it\u2019s talking about mental health<\/a> and physical conditions like breast cancer with your loved ones, or helping them through grief and loss<\/a>, we hope this article will encourage you to support and communicate with them more effectively.<\/p>\n

Tiana Ludhani on dealing with breast cancer in the family<\/h2>\n

Hi, Tiana! Thank you so much for speaking with us about you and your family\u2019s experience with breast cancer. How did your mother and mother-in-law first realise they had breast cancer?<\/h3>\n
\"breast
Remember to check your breasts! (Photography: National Cancer Institute via Unsplash)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

My mum first had breast cancer when she was in her late 20s. At that time, the methodical way of detecting breast cancer was: If you feel a lump, run for it; go get it checked by a doctor. So that\u2019s what Mum did \u2013 she went to the clinic in Taiwan (where she lived back then) when she felt a lump. The clinic did a scan for her, but decided the lump was cystic and not cancerous. So, she waited for a year before she got another check-up, this time in Singapore. And that\u2019s when they found out she had stage 2 breast cancer.<\/p>\n

Mum survived the first ordeal, but the breast cancer came back a second time (and a third later, too) when she was in her late 30s. Again, she felt a lump and went to get it checked immediately. She was fortunate that she caught the signs of this relapse quite early on, as the doctors simply needed to cut away the tumour, and she also had to go have a bit of chemotherapy.<\/p>\n

As for my mother-in-law, she found out that she had breast cancer around five years ago. Like my mum, she also felt a lump and went to get it checked, only to find out that it was breast cancer. She\u2019s been living in China alone, so it\u2019s been a traumatic experience for her.<\/p>\n

How did you and your family first react when your mum was diagnosed?<\/h3>\n
\"breast
While Tiana is close to her family, they didn\u2019t talk to her about breast cancer until her mum survived it the first time (Photography: Tiana Ludhani)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Coming from the South Asian diaspora, my family didn\u2019t really sit me down and talk to me about what was going on. At that time, unfortunately, some subjects were just off the table: divorce, cancer, anything personal\u2026 People held back from sharing their emotions in general. But I understand that my family was simply trying to protect me. They didn\u2019t want to scare me, as I was only around ten years old when Mum first got diagnosed with breast cancer.<\/p>\n

My family only told me about what had happened when Mum survived breast cancer the first time, because they were wary that the same thing could happen to me. Even today, they\u2019re still very particular about health checks; they\u2019d urge me to get them done and they\u2019d jump on any signs. I think that\u2019s due to the trauma that came from the cancer experience. We understand the seriousness of it and how important it is to catch the symptoms early on.<\/p>\n

With the two relapses, breast cancer feels like a ticking time bomb to us sometimes. But, to be honest, everyone<\/em> is a ticking time bomb. While it may be a little morbid to think about it this way, we can all encounter accidents at any point in our lives. We can always fear that in five, ten, or 50 years from now, we may no longer be alive. But how we die will, most likely, be out of our control. What we can control is how we choose to look at life right now and how positive we are. Everybody is going through a battle that others don\u2019t know anything about. So, the way I deal with the issue is that no matter what hurdles come my way, I try to breathe through them, learn from them, and come out the other side.<\/p>\n

What did the breast cancer treatment involve for your mum?<\/h3>\n
\"breast
Kudos to Tiana\u2019s mum, a three-time breast cancer survivor! (Photography: Tiana Ludhani)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

When Mum was first diagnosed with breast cancer (this was around four decades ago, in the 1980s), cancer treatments were very invasive and side effects were enormous. Although she was young and in good shape, she didn\u2019t recover from the cancer as easily as she thought she would. She had to stay in Singapore for months on end to do chemotherapy. Due to the radiation, she was losing her hair, skin elasticity, and even her hearing. I can\u2019t imagine what it was like for her; her hair was her crown and she was all about the tai tai<\/em> life. She had to wear a wig and she was also self-conscious about having to wear a hearing aid at such a young age.<\/p>\n

As for the finances, everything was out of our own pockets. Insurance wasn\u2019t something we thought about and my dad was already working hard on his business to afford Mum\u2019s cancer treatments. So, it was very tough on our family back then.<\/p>\n

In August this year, my mum\u2019s breast cancer relapsed for the third time. With the advancement of medicine, we know that there are now better options for mastectomy, as well as different ways to restructure one\u2019s breasts. To us, femininity is how we perceive ourselves, rather than what we look like.<\/p>\n

How did you support your family?<\/h3>\n
\"breast
It\u2019s important to seek professional help not only for yourself, but for the sake of your family (Photography: Priscilla Du Preez via Unsplash)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

The idea of being positive is easier said than done. We all have our dark moments, but how we decide to act on them is important. I ended up going to a therapist to talk about what I was going through, because that\u2019s the best thing I can do for myself if I want to be mentally strong enough to support my family, and to be the one reassuring them that everything\u2019s going to be okay. I would find the smallest things I can do to help take their pressure off, such as booking a hotel for them in London when Mum is going for a doctor\u2019s appointment. I also call them regularly to check in on them and listen to them, but also to talk about my life for a little bit to help take their mind off things.<\/p>\n

Mental health is so important, especially over the past two years when Hong Kong has been a walled city due to COVID-19. Since travelling and visiting our relatives hasn\u2019t been possible, we must find ways to keep our mental health stable not only for ourselves, but also to support our loved ones. Since we\u2019re the ones guiding our family through this dark time, we can\u2019t be on the sidelines, so we must work through our messy thoughts in order to see the path forward. And it\u2019s okay to get counselling<\/a>; it\u2019s okay to talk to your partner about things. There\u2019s absolutely nothing wrong with getting help \u2013 for the sake of yourself and your family!<\/p>\n

Do you think breast cancer has changed the relationships between your mother and mother-in-law with their loved ones?<\/h3>\n
\"two
Breast cancer has transformed the lives and relationships of many across the world (Photography: Kelly Sikkema via Unsplash)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

My mother and father are the most unique couple I\u2019ve ever met. As cheesy as it sounds, they\u2019re the model partnership I strive for. In contrast to the tradition in South Asian culture that mothers should be the homemaker and fathers should be the breadwinner, I could see that my dad respected my mum not only as a woman, but also as his equal, especially after she survived breast cancer the first time. I think that sort of love and acknowledgement made Mum even stronger. She joined Dad\u2019s business and they\u2019ve been thriving together ever since.<\/p>\n

As for my mother-in-law, we had a very rocky relationship when I got married to her son, because it was as if I took her pride and joy away. Plus, we both have strong personalities, like fire with fire. I had to fulfil certain duties as a daughter-in-law, such as visiting her, taking part in family banquets, and stuff \u2013 all of that amounted to a lot of pressure one me. But, we\u2019ve become the best of friends over the COVID-19 period! Because of my mum\u2019s experience, I can see what my mother-in-law has been going through, and I can relate to it. From only speaking once every five weeks, we now talk almost every other day. We understand each other and get along really well, so I can\u2019t wait for the day we open those borders and I get to see her again \u2013 and give her a superwoman outfit for everything she\u2019s been through!<\/p>\n

What advice would you give to those supporting loved ones with breast cancer?<\/h3>\n
\"national
Supporting your loved ones through breast cancer is both about them and about you, too (Photography: National Cancer Institute via Unsplash)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Trying to support our loved ones, especially when we\u2019re physically apart due to the pandemic, can be extremely difficult. It can mentally traumatise you.<\/p>\n

Firstly, make sure you have a good support system \u2013 and that means quality over quantity. Whether it\u2019s your spouse or your partner, your best friend or your siblings, get yourself a close-knit circle of two or three people you feel you can fully open up to on your darkest days. That means having absolutely no filter, too. They need to be prepared that you might give them a ring at 3am while bawling in the bathroom. For instance, my best friend has been a godsend and I\u2019ve been so thankful to her.<\/p>\n

Secondly, allow yourself to grieve. People are so quick to say, \u201cNo I\u2019m fine. I\u2019ll be fine. I\u2019m okay.\u201d But, it\u2019s okay to take some time off work for a mental health day<\/a> and just let yourself feel your emotions. Cry; sit in your bedroom; let yourself go down the rabbit hole. Just allow yourself to wallow in the darkness for a bit. The emotions will be easier to digest that way. You might even feel a sweet relief when you wake up one morning and suddenly realise you feel just a little better. It\u2019s like a flu that you need to get through. You won\u2019t feel great \u2013 you\u2019ll be on an emotional roller coaster and the journey doesn’t really get any easier \u2013 but don\u2019t brush it away. Accepting that you need to go through the darkness is important, because otherwise you won\u2019t be able to emerge on the other side.<\/p>\n

Thirdly, seek professional help. It doesn’t mean there’s anything mentally wrong with you by doing so. I went to see a therapist three or four times, and I was already feeling better. Sometimes, we just need to unload everything we don\u2019t want to unload on our friends, because they\u2019re all going through their own issues. By talking to a complete (professional) stranger, I was able to dissect my feelings. Then, I was able to go about my day, and I felt stronger to be there for my family.<\/p>\n

Tell us more about the breast cancer awareness events The Daily Tot has got on this month.<\/h3>\n
\"dance
Get a dance workout for a good cause at The Daily Tot<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

This is the sixth or seventh year for me (and the second year for The Daily Tot) to help raise funds for different organisations supporting breast cancer research and awareness. This year, proceeds will go to the National Breast Cancer Coalition (NBCC) to further medical research and assistance for those in impoverished communities. So, I\u2019m really excited about the events this year! It\u2019s gonna be a lot of fun.<\/p>\n

To start off with, we have Dance for a Cause<\/a> on October 23 (Saturday). DJ Chi Chi has volunteered to show off her talents as a dance instructor. She\u2019ll be hosting an hour-long dance class at The Daily Tot for about 20 participants. After the workout, we\u2019ll have some free-flow prosecco while she DJs on the deck.<\/p>\n

Another event for Pink Month is Drink for Pink<\/a>, a meet and greet event held on October 28 (Thursday), in conjunction with Spark. This brand belongs to a friend of mine \u2013 Simran Savlani \u2013 who\u2019s started her own line of sauces, handmade here in Hong Kong. She\u2019s also publishing her new cookbook. So, she has volunteered to host a noodle station at The Daily Tot where she\u2019ll be showcasing her products. While enjoying your drinks and noodles, you can meet and network with other women.<\/p>\n

Is there anything else you\u2019d like to say to our readers?<\/h3>\n

Yes! I\u2019ve been encouraging every woman around me \u2013 and whoever reads this article \u2013 please go and get yourself a health check every year, from head to toe, because the littlest thing can affect you and develop into something bigger. So, educate yourself on breast cancer and other health issues, don\u2019t overlook any symptoms, and attack them early. If you\u2019re lucky, at least just get an a-ok from the health check \u2013 then you can grab a bottle of wine and celebrate!<\/p>\n

For more information on government services for mammography screening in Hong Kong, please visit the website for Woman Health Service<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Do you know anyone suffering from cancer? Fighting the disease can feel lonely and frustrating, not only for the patients, but also for their families and loved ones. This is why raising awareness \u2013 specifically for breast cancer during Pink Month in October \u2013 is important. Along with many other events and brands participating in […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":107518,"featured_media":184818,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false},"categories":[987,18024,18056],"tags":[31512],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nTiana Ludhani on dealing with breast cancer in the family | Honeycombers<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Breast cancer is one of the most common cancers for women around the world. 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