{"id":184335,"date":"2022-10-05T07:00:25","date_gmt":"2022-10-04T23:00:25","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/thehoneycombers.com\/hong-kong\/?p=184335"},"modified":"2022-10-04T13:44:26","modified_gmt":"2022-10-04T05:44:26","slug":"toxic-positivity","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thehoneycombers.com\/hong-kong\/toxic-positivity\/","title":{"rendered":"Too much of a good thing? The dangers of toxic positivity"},"content":{"rendered":"

It can be hard to have honest conversations<\/a> about mental health<\/a>. There\u2019s no easy starting place, let alone instructions for what to say<\/a>, or how to comfort someone who is struggling with anxiety<\/a> or depression<\/a>. Although our hearts may be in the right place, our own discomfort when confronted with difficult situations or raw emotions can sometimes cause us to say something that hurts more than it helps, like \u201clook on the bright side\u201d or \u201cit could be worse.\u201d Too often we think we should offer a solution, when really all the other person needs is someone to listen. Although positive thinking can be helpful, toxic positivity is the obsessive urge to be happy in all situations, at all times. It leads to ignoring your feelings and pretending you\u2019re okay when you\u2019re not, and encouraging others to do the same, and can be exacerbated by the \u201cgood vibes only\u201d attitude on social media.<\/p>\n

Toxic positivity: how does it hurt?<\/h2>\n

1. Invalidates emotions<\/h3>\n

Toxic positivity nullifies the presence of difficult emotions, such as sadness, grief, or anger. It can cause you to disregard these feelings and instead believe that your emotions, as well as your state of mind, is simply an overreaction. Just because something much worse could have happened \u2013 but didn\u2019t \u2013 doesn\u2019t mean that it\u2019s unreasonable to be sad or angry. A situation can still be bad, even if it could have been worse. And you can still be upset about it. But the admonishment \u2013 even if helpfully meant \u2013 that \u201cit could have been worse\u201d instead sends the message that feelings of sadness or anger in reaction are unacceptable and illegitimate. If someone feels sad, let them express it and be willing to listen with an open heart.<\/p>\n

2. Generates a culture of victim shaming<\/h3>\n
\"toxic
Toxic positivity can cause you to doubt yourself and your feelings. (Photography: Miguel Luis via Unsplash)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Not being listened to when you are angry or sad can often lead to feelings of shame and that it\u2019s \u201call in your head.\u201d Rather than accepting feelings of sadness and anger, you instead begin to believe that they are \u201cbad\u201d feelings and \u201cbad\u201d behaviours, and that is your fault for feeling anxious or depressed. In the struggle to meet the social pressure of \u201cgood vibes only\u201d, the victim of toxic positivity ends up suppressing their genuine emotions and doubting their self worth.<\/p>\n

3. Perpetuates feeling guilty<\/h3>\n

After shame, comes guilt. When you experience toxic positivity, it not only triggers the development of low self-esteem but also creates anxiety. Now you feel bad about feeling bad because you must feel bad because you\u2019re a bad person; which must be why you can\u2019t just cheer up and look on the bright side. Sound familiar? Although the encouragement may be well intended, it is damaging to be told to \u201ccheer up\u201d by friends and family before your body, heart and mind are ready. The pressure to be positive at all times can make you feel \u2013 both physically and mentally \u2013 like a failure if you are unable to do so.<\/p>\n

The solution to toxic positivity: listening to empathise<\/h3>\n
\"toxic
The best way to stop toxic positivity is to replace it with a mindful practice of listening. (Photography: Etienne Boulanger via Unsplash)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Life is full of negative and positive experiences, and everything in between. There will be times when you will be ecstatic and feel as if you are on top of the world. But there will also be times when you will be down in the dumps and heartbroken. To be hopeful about tomorrow does not mean that you can not be sad today. Bottling up painful emotions in the name of positivity will not do you any good. Choose to accept how you feel regardless of how others want you to feel.<\/p>\n

The best way to stop toxic positivity is to replace it with a mindful practice of listening. When you listen, you pay attention. You communicate with empathy. You do not judge, negate or impose your own opinions or feelings. You just seek to share the other person\u2019s emotional state and offer reassurance that it\u2019s okay to feel for them to feel the way they do. The next time someone seems upset, moody, sad or exhibits distress, don\u2019t rush in with a \u201ccheer up\u201d but instead try saying \u201cI understand why you feel that way, it makes sense that you are upset.\u201d Trust me, your words will make all the difference.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It can be hard to have honest conversations about mental health. There\u2019s no easy starting place, let alone instructions for what to say, or how to comfort someone who is struggling with anxiety or depression. Although our hearts may be in the right place, our own discomfort when confronted with difficult situations or raw emotions […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":107555,"featured_media":184339,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false},"categories":[987],"tags":[31512],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nThe dangers of toxic positivity | Honeycombers Hong Kong<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Toxic positivity is the obsessive urge to be happy in all situations and can lead you to pretend that you're okay when you're not.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/thehoneycombers.com\/hong-kong\/toxic-positivity\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_GB\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Too much of a good thing? 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